Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 is almost completely behind us
so much has happened this year, both good & bad. but i'm thankful that God has allowed me to live one more safe year with my family & friends. happy new years & god bless everyone.
Monday, December 29, 2008
change
change. it happens to everyone. we all change in one way or another. sometimes we change a lot. sometimes a little. and sometimes just enough. some of us hate change, while others love something new. change can bring us happiness. but sometimes it brings on sadness or dissapointment. some of us change drastically very fast. but some slowly change.
i've changed...a lot. but what do you do when someone you care about is changing slowly right in front of you? you can't stop that person because she's happy, but she's hurting you. she knows you too well & knows you're upset, but trusts you too much and believes you when you give her an excuse. what happens when you hate change, but you can't do a thing about it? what happens when you know things are going to change & you can't do anything about it? do you tell the person you don't like what they're becoming, or do you just adapt to the new them? but what if this new person & her new life don't want or need you in it, then what? do you move on or try to make it go back to how things used to be? why does change make people drift apart? why is change necessary?
unfortunately, i cna't answer any of these questions. i can only wonder & hope for the best.
but for 2009 i hope to change. i hope to become a less jealous person. i hope to learn how to control my anger & emotions. but most of all, i hope to become a better person.
i've changed...a lot. but what do you do when someone you care about is changing slowly right in front of you? you can't stop that person because she's happy, but she's hurting you. she knows you too well & knows you're upset, but trusts you too much and believes you when you give her an excuse. what happens when you hate change, but you can't do a thing about it? what happens when you know things are going to change & you can't do anything about it? do you tell the person you don't like what they're becoming, or do you just adapt to the new them? but what if this new person & her new life don't want or need you in it, then what? do you move on or try to make it go back to how things used to be? why does change make people drift apart? why is change necessary?
unfortunately, i cna't answer any of these questions. i can only wonder & hope for the best.
but for 2009 i hope to change. i hope to become a less jealous person. i hope to learn how to control my anger & emotions. but most of all, i hope to become a better person.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas review
ok so in my family we celebrate it on the eve. that's when we have our party & open presents (but it's normally almost midnight byt hte time we do). so my mom got home & i helped her cook & clean a little. then i went to go get ready for church. service was beautiful! came back home & chilled until the people got here. had dinner & went to go do Evil & Secret santa. tons of fun. then i gave out all the presents that i had bought. & then went to open the ones i didn't know what they were. here's all i got:
a beautiful watch
juicy earrings
5 new sims
6 books
2 cds
a sweater
a jacket
a beautiful coat
a hoddie
makeup from victoria's secret
a huge penguin <3
& ROCKBAND!!!
i was pretty happy this year hahaha merry christmas you guys
a beautiful watch
juicy earrings
5 new sims
6 books
2 cds
a sweater
a jacket
a beautiful coat
a hoddie
makeup from victoria's secret
a huge penguin <3
& ROCKBAND!!!
i was pretty happy this year hahaha merry christmas you guys
Thursday, December 18, 2008
blogger dad & new friend
ok so it's saturday night (technically sunday morning) & i decide to pop my head into the study real quick to see what my dad was up to, turn out he's making a blogger! what doesn't that man have? he has an orkut (facebook for brazilians), facebook, & now a blogger...dang! hahaha but i love my daddy and now i get to read what he has to say :] but in a way i hope he doesn't read mine lol =P
but enough about my computer genius dad & onto the topic of friendship (ha i'm listening to a song called Never Take Friendship Personal). i think one thing that i haven't mentioned yet is that i'm brazilian. i'm talking 100% here. yes i have other things in me but my parents & grandparents are brazilian. well i know a lot of brazilians here in dallas but very few in my age range. i have my good friend, ana, who i've known since she got to the US. but now there's this boy who's here doing a foreign exchange program named, eduardo.
ana introduced me to him at the very begining of the year but i never really talked to him (i only see him during lunch). well i switched lunch tables & went to go sit with ana & him. it a few weeks but now we're actually talking! (he's crazy shy) he's a sweet boy that lives in a city very close to my hometown. well today i'm sitting at lunch, & i spot him. i'd never seen him in my A day lunch so it made me curious. he was about 4 tables in front of me but no one was in between us. i saw he was sitting alone, so i pretty much stared at him until he saw me (he probably thought i was a creep!). i waved & gestured for him to come sit with me. i wasn't about to let the poor guy sit alone! at lunch it's just alley & me, but one more person won't hurt :D & i'm glad i did. he wasn't alone at lunch, & we talked more. ana & i are even planning on having him over to hang out, maybe when he's around just 2 brazilians he'll be more talkative hahaha
Monday, December 15, 2008
Misearbile Visu (Ex Malo Bonum)
Misearbile Visu (Ex Malo Bonum)
Anberlin
A red priest broke into our classroom
Caught us children by attention
"Listen closely to the words I speak
Lord knows if we'll ever, ever again meet"
Spoke such words never spoken before
On the way he declared there were
Miracles like you've never seen
From a man who was raised up in the sea
A man is coming in thirteen-one
To charm the daughters and the sons
Scared for our lives, I turned to your hand
Hold this tight while we run, if we still can
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
The end of the world
You'll still belong
Before the red priest took his last breath
He told me, "Child, now don't forget
The sun will turn dark very soon
Your days are numbered when there's blood on the moon
"The earth will shake and the sky will fall
The eyes will open of those involved
Don't take this son, but you'll be killed
By the man from seven hills"
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
At the end of the world
You'll still belong
Look children to the eastern sky
When you hear the voice say your last goodbyes
Look there to the eastern skies
When the ghosts take hold of the men who died
Look children to the eastern sky
When your fathers weep and your mothers cry
Look children to the eastern sky
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
At the end of the world
You'll still belong
Look children to the eastern sky
When you hear the voice say your last goodbyes
Look there to the eastern skies
When the ghosts take hold of the men who died
Look children to the eastern sky
When your fathers weep and your mothers cry
Look children to the eastern sky
Look children to the eastern sky
Anberlin
A red priest broke into our classroom
Caught us children by attention
"Listen closely to the words I speak
Lord knows if we'll ever, ever again meet"
Spoke such words never spoken before
On the way he declared there were
Miracles like you've never seen
From a man who was raised up in the sea
A man is coming in thirteen-one
To charm the daughters and the sons
Scared for our lives, I turned to your hand
Hold this tight while we run, if we still can
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
The end of the world
You'll still belong
Before the red priest took his last breath
He told me, "Child, now don't forget
The sun will turn dark very soon
Your days are numbered when there's blood on the moon
"The earth will shake and the sky will fall
The eyes will open of those involved
Don't take this son, but you'll be killed
By the man from seven hills"
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
At the end of the world
You'll still belong
Look children to the eastern sky
When you hear the voice say your last goodbyes
Look there to the eastern skies
When the ghosts take hold of the men who died
Look children to the eastern sky
When your fathers weep and your mothers cry
Look children to the eastern sky
What disasters may come
Whatever it may be
At the end of the age
It will land you and me
What tragedy may bring
Whatever may fall
At the end of the world
You'll still belong
Look children to the eastern sky
When you hear the voice say your last goodbyes
Look there to the eastern skies
When the ghosts take hold of the men who died
Look children to the eastern sky
When your fathers weep and your mothers cry
Look children to the eastern sky
Look children to the eastern sky
winter wonderland...in texas?
this year, winter is making it's presence. so it's only dec 15 & ice has already collected & frozen on the ground! could tomorrow be a cancelled or delayed school day...already?! we normally have to wait until february or in this year's case, march. but i love it! :D
Sunday, December 14, 2008
not good enough
i'm not a good enought student.
i'm not a good enough daughter.
i'm not a good enough friend.
i'm not a good enough christian.
i'm not a good enough helper.
i'm not a good enough listener.
i'm not a good enough person.
i'm tired of not being good enough. if i'm such a waste of human space, why did god put me on this earth? i really want to leave. give my parents a chance to have another child...one that can make them proud. because they've made it very clear that i'll never be able to do that. i just really wish i didn't have to be alive...
i'm not a good enough daughter.
i'm not a good enough friend.
i'm not a good enough christian.
i'm not a good enough helper.
i'm not a good enough listener.
i'm not a good enough person.
i'm tired of not being good enough. if i'm such a waste of human space, why did god put me on this earth? i really want to leave. give my parents a chance to have another child...one that can make them proud. because they've made it very clear that i'll never be able to do that. i just really wish i didn't have to be alive...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sad Excuse
so i'm in my prep for parenting class finishing up a parenting project while listening to my other love, National Product <3 ok so let me explain how i came to be a NP fan. i love the band lovehatehero & always go see them when they're in town. they were having a show that only had like 20 people there, at the most. they were touring with a bunch of bands i had never heard of before in my life but i'm always open to new music, that is how i discover most of the bands i like. one of the bands that really caught my attention was the band that played right before LHH, National Product. they were really good, goofy, & their singer just so happen to very cute! hahaha after that show i looked them up, downloaded their album, & there it started. it was a while before i was able to see them again, but when i did it was worth the wait. although Danny (singer) was very sick, he still put on an amazing show. he's a very sweet person who loves hugs & kisses (i'll come add pictures of me with him when i get home)! so at that show he gave me his number for us to keep in contact. now we're good buddies & we wear matching bracelets (mine says Danny, his says Isabela). so here's the song that he tipically makes it seems like he's singing just for me (don't ask how that works, you have to be there to see it)
Sad Excuse
National Product
Let's get it right, before the hand hits 12 tonight
Cause I can see in your eyes, you trip on every word, it's a lie, it's a lie
And tonight, while there's still time left, and you said everything you wanted to
There’s one thing you haven't heard, its my lie, its my lie
Lay on your back and raise your right hand
This could be the last chance that you get to
Swear on this knife that you, never loved me, never, never loved me
Because if that’s the truth, push it through me, push it, push it through me
But you don't, and you won't, cause you're a sad excuse, yeah you're a sad excuse
You search directories and somehow you've found out
Who's sleeping next to me, in my bed, in my bed
So tonight, while there's still time left and you did everything you wanted to
There's one thing you haven't heard, it's my lie, it's my lie
Lay on your back and raise your right hand
The hardest part is knowing, you didn't have the tact to sit back and react to the truth
The hardest part is knowing, you didn't have the tact to sit back and
Swear on this knife that you never loved me, never, never loved me
Because if that's the truth, push it through me, push it, push it through me
Swear on this knife that you...
Lay on your back and raise your right hand
Swear on this knife that you...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
M.A.P. testing...ew!
omg i hate these stupid map tests. we have to take 6 of them every year. why did we start doing them all of a sudden. i thought i'd be doen with them once i left plano, guess not. pooooooooop. i just finished my math one, yuck. then i have to go to spanish & practice waltzing witha fucking freshman! god help me. i swear i'm so not going to be here on the day of the imitation quince. i mean i know what they're all about, & i chose to skip my debutant (brasilian version of a quince). damn it. oh well. the bell is going to ring in 5 minutes so i have to get my stuff together. depending on what we do in music theory today, i might post a blog for Esther lol :]
<3
<3
Thursday, December 4, 2008
excuses, excuses
there is seriously nothing i hate more than people who have an excuse for EVERYTHING! omg it makes me want to scream! hahaha it's like just admit you've screwed up & get over it. not that hard, trust me. ughhhh it annoys the bageebers out of me! oh well, he's dumb anyways L]
p.s. my room smells very much like taco bell hahaha
p.s. my room smells very much like taco bell hahaha
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
not cool.
A_____ M______ T__.
(It's someone's full name)
it's not cool that you don't talk to me anymore.
it's not cool that it seems like we're not friends anymore.
it's not cool that you act as if our friendship is meaningless.
it's not cool that you traded me out.
it's not cool that you don't call anymore.
it's not cool that you don't reply to anything i send you.
it's not cool that you don't text me goodnight anymore.
it's not cool that i'm losing you.
it's not cool that i haven't seen you since june.
it's not cool that you got my hopes but never showed.
it's not cool that you don't miss me.
it's not cool that you make me feel this way.
it's not cool that you're not cool.
(It's someone's full name)
it's not cool that you don't talk to me anymore.
it's not cool that it seems like we're not friends anymore.
it's not cool that you act as if our friendship is meaningless.
it's not cool that you traded me out.
it's not cool that you don't call anymore.
it's not cool that you don't reply to anything i send you.
it's not cool that you don't text me goodnight anymore.
it's not cool that i'm losing you.
it's not cool that i haven't seen you since june.
it's not cool that you got my hopes but never showed.
it's not cool that you don't miss me.
it's not cool that you make me feel this way.
it's not cool that you're not cool.
swedish movies...say what?!
hahaha so my music theory teacher introduced our class to this awesome independent swedish vampire film. & i believe i'll be seeing it this friday with my pal, Esther :] the only problem is...subtitles! gosh i hate them. i'm slow & they're too fast so i end up missing half of the dialogue lol. i have 3 days to learn swedish then =P it should be fun :D
Monday, December 1, 2008
It's So Simple
yes! i finally capitalized a title! hahaha but i don't think i've ever explained where my blog title actually came from. as you can tell from my blog "dedication. devotion. love. life." saosin is my passion. It's So Simple is one of their songs that i love the most. so i thought that today i'd post the lyrics to this song. enjoy :]
It's So Simple
Saosin
I never thought you would lose yourself
The hardest part was falling down again
(Have you had enough yet?)
I'm a fool to watch you walk away
Are you bothered by the choice you made?
When we fall to the ground
Slowly we're safe and sound
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
I caught you lying to yourself
Now everything is speeding 'round and around
(Things I used to love)
Well I'm a fool to watch but never say
Are you bothered by the choice you made?
When we fall to the ground
Slowly we're safe and sound
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
But maybe we were wrong.
When will you know
That you can feel belonged
I think you fell in deeper than you imagined
It's so simple to be afraid
(It's so simple)
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
(It's so simple)
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's So Simple
Saosin
I never thought you would lose yourself
The hardest part was falling down again
(Have you had enough yet?)
I'm a fool to watch you walk away
Are you bothered by the choice you made?
When we fall to the ground
Slowly we're safe and sound
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
I caught you lying to yourself
Now everything is speeding 'round and around
(Things I used to love)
Well I'm a fool to watch but never say
Are you bothered by the choice you made?
When we fall to the ground
Slowly we're safe and sound
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
It's so simple when you know who you are
But maybe we were wrong.
When will you know
That you can feel belonged
I think you fell in deeper than you imagined
It's so simple to be afraid
(It's so simple)
It's so simple when you know who you are
It's so simple to be afraid
(It's so simple)
It's so simple when you know who you are
Thursday, November 27, 2008
phobia freak!
ok so there's this websie that lists hundreds of phobias with their formal name & what they mean. i have a lot of phobias & compussions, so i thought i'd list a few of them here! :D
Fear of:
Fear of:
- darkness
- heights
- insanity
- pain
- needles
- amnesia
- satying single
- bees
- imperfection
- being forgotten
- failure
- stairs
- depth
- amphibians
- being ridiculed
- confined spaces
- being locked in
- falling down stairs
- making decisions
- obkects at the right side of the body
- crossing bridges
- speaking in public
- hell
- blood
- the number 666
- bums
- going to the doctor
- insects
- solitude
- tornadoes & hurricanes
- childbirth
- punishment
- ants
- hospitals
- stan
- dependence on others
- being burried alive
- having a deformed child
- certain places and/or situations
- moving and/or making changes
- injections
- the color yellow
i hope i don't sound too paranoid hahahaha! well hopefully this entertained you for a bit. HAPPY TURKEY DAY! :D
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
dedication. devotion. love. life.
all these words add up to one very simple name, Saosin.
now, i understand that to them i'm simply just another fan, but to me they are so much more than just a band. you see when i'm feeling any kind of unwanted emotion, all i have to do to feel better is crank up the volume on my iPod and let Cove's voice, Beau's & Justin's guitars, Chris' bass, & Alex's drums sooth my feelings. never have i felt so strongly, so passionately about a band. never have i done whatever it took to be at their concert, to get a simple glance at them. i have gone to 5 of their concerts, and this past saturday it became 6.
saturday was a cloudy, cold day with a slight chance of rain. it was my first of 10 days of relaxation, and i was up at 7 am- sharp. i was out of the house by 8:30, out of ihop with my best friend by 9:30-10:00, & at a venue located in a horrible part of downtown dallas at 11:42. all of this so i could sit in the freezing cold for roughly 9 hours. all of this to see the people i love more than anything again after being away for 10 months.
i suffered in the bitter cold, i sat on hard concrete, fasted pretty much all day, stood through a crappy metal band & a crazy goo band that made the crowd around me make me want to cry in pain, all to start bawling tears of joy the minute they stepped on that stage. it was like time slowed down & all i saw was them right there in front of me, so close yet distanced by the baracades. their set was too short, too rushed, but enough to satisfy my need to see and hear them.
i was pulled out of the amazingly crowded pit, slammed my thigh on the baracade, limped out to the back of the venue to their bus, and bothered someone to have the guys come out. i talked to chris & justin, and then they went back in. i saw cove randomly walking by, but he eventually dissapeared. getting frustrated but staying determined, i saw cove again and asked if he could have beau & alex come out. because alex was in the shower, only beau came outside. the minute he stepped out of the bus, a huge smile appeared on his adorable face. he walked over and gave me th ebest hug i've had since october of last year. instead of the usual hi, signature, picture, & bye he actually stayed there for at least 30 mins having an actual indepth conversation with me. i felt so happy. he eventually had to go, but then out came mr.rodriguez. the biy that always hudes from us, the boy impossible to talk to, the biy who is such a sweetheart. i was so happy to get a chance to chat with him.
it was such an amazing experience, & i don't regret anything i did that day. i miss them already & am excited to see them again. i'm one devoted little girl, & i know they appreciate my support.
now, i understand that to them i'm simply just another fan, but to me they are so much more than just a band. you see when i'm feeling any kind of unwanted emotion, all i have to do to feel better is crank up the volume on my iPod and let Cove's voice, Beau's & Justin's guitars, Chris' bass, & Alex's drums sooth my feelings. never have i felt so strongly, so passionately about a band. never have i done whatever it took to be at their concert, to get a simple glance at them. i have gone to 5 of their concerts, and this past saturday it became 6.
saturday was a cloudy, cold day with a slight chance of rain. it was my first of 10 days of relaxation, and i was up at 7 am- sharp. i was out of the house by 8:30, out of ihop with my best friend by 9:30-10:00, & at a venue located in a horrible part of downtown dallas at 11:42. all of this so i could sit in the freezing cold for roughly 9 hours. all of this to see the people i love more than anything again after being away for 10 months.
i suffered in the bitter cold, i sat on hard concrete, fasted pretty much all day, stood through a crappy metal band & a crazy goo band that made the crowd around me make me want to cry in pain, all to start bawling tears of joy the minute they stepped on that stage. it was like time slowed down & all i saw was them right there in front of me, so close yet distanced by the baracades. their set was too short, too rushed, but enough to satisfy my need to see and hear them.
i was pulled out of the amazingly crowded pit, slammed my thigh on the baracade, limped out to the back of the venue to their bus, and bothered someone to have the guys come out. i talked to chris & justin, and then they went back in. i saw cove randomly walking by, but he eventually dissapeared. getting frustrated but staying determined, i saw cove again and asked if he could have beau & alex come out. because alex was in the shower, only beau came outside. the minute he stepped out of the bus, a huge smile appeared on his adorable face. he walked over and gave me th ebest hug i've had since october of last year. instead of the usual hi, signature, picture, & bye he actually stayed there for at least 30 mins having an actual indepth conversation with me. i felt so happy. he eventually had to go, but then out came mr.rodriguez. the biy that always hudes from us, the boy impossible to talk to, the biy who is such a sweetheart. i was so happy to get a chance to chat with him.
it was such an amazing experience, & i don't regret anything i did that day. i miss them already & am excited to see them again. i'm one devoted little girl, & i know they appreciate my support.
Friday, November 14, 2008
war
my body has officially declared war aginst me. during the summer i had a few stomach problems, but now it's getting crazy. i need to really watch what i eat now. but i'm in class right now about ready to die :[ i had to leave early yesterday because of the pain. ughhhhhhhhhhhh kill me!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
rules?
ok so i'm at church 3 times a week & i highly enjoy it. but in the past 2 weeks some of the things we've been discussing in bible study have been making me feel...disturbed. like i'm not a huge fan of organized religions, so the fact that sometimes they're saying that what's written in the bible MUST be followed really ticks me off.
let's start with me saying that i didn't grow up going to church, i didn't grow up in a very religious family. i started going to church only this summer actually.
so the first one that doesn't go well with me is the fact that in church they pretty much force it down your throat that you have to wait until you're married to have sex. now i'm not encouringing premarital sex, not at all. but never in my life was i told by anyone that i HAVE to wait. it's a personal decision i made, not to god, but to my fututre husband. it's quite different. i feel like if you have premarital sex the church pretty much shuns you for it. we are each individuals who make our own choices & mistakes. simple enough.
the second one is that christians sometimes are so high & mighty when it comes to other religions. although we may all believe in the same or similar god, they say if you dont' believe that jesus died for our sins, you're going to hell. i think that is so worng. although i'm very greatful that jesus died for me to live, i don't think it's right that the others will not go to heaven just for that.
and the most recent one- that was actually disscussed today- was that we shouldn't associate ourselves with nonbelievers. ok that one really made me mad. so now the church & bible get to decide who i can & can't be friends with or even date? i do not think so. it was just so frustrating to sit there for you know like an hour and a half and listen to Ryan say that we shouldn't associate with them because they'll bring us down and blah blah blah. but then he turns around and tells us a story of how a nonbeliever started going to church because she was dating a christian and how all of a sudden she dissapeared. when asked why she stoped going she said that from what she if that was what being a christian was, she didn't want to be part of it. so it's like we're just as bad. i don't know, i mean it just made me pretty angry.
well that's enough on my point of views. guys please don't come argue with me, this is what i think- not what i believe should be right.
let's start with me saying that i didn't grow up going to church, i didn't grow up in a very religious family. i started going to church only this summer actually.
so the first one that doesn't go well with me is the fact that in church they pretty much force it down your throat that you have to wait until you're married to have sex. now i'm not encouringing premarital sex, not at all. but never in my life was i told by anyone that i HAVE to wait. it's a personal decision i made, not to god, but to my fututre husband. it's quite different. i feel like if you have premarital sex the church pretty much shuns you for it. we are each individuals who make our own choices & mistakes. simple enough.
the second one is that christians sometimes are so high & mighty when it comes to other religions. although we may all believe in the same or similar god, they say if you dont' believe that jesus died for our sins, you're going to hell. i think that is so worng. although i'm very greatful that jesus died for me to live, i don't think it's right that the others will not go to heaven just for that.
and the most recent one- that was actually disscussed today- was that we shouldn't associate ourselves with nonbelievers. ok that one really made me mad. so now the church & bible get to decide who i can & can't be friends with or even date? i do not think so. it was just so frustrating to sit there for you know like an hour and a half and listen to Ryan say that we shouldn't associate with them because they'll bring us down and blah blah blah. but then he turns around and tells us a story of how a nonbeliever started going to church because she was dating a christian and how all of a sudden she dissapeared. when asked why she stoped going she said that from what she if that was what being a christian was, she didn't want to be part of it. so it's like we're just as bad. i don't know, i mean it just made me pretty angry.
well that's enough on my point of views. guys please don't come argue with me, this is what i think- not what i believe should be right.
Friday, November 7, 2008
poop
i know i said i'd update you tonight, but there is no way in hell i am. i'm too sick to sit here & type a bunch of stuff up. oh & i know i still haven't posted the blog about halloween up. i promise i'll try to do it this weekend. good night & pray that i get better because i'm pretty dran sick :[
"we'll seel it with a kiss on the lips as we say 'i do' in a church of sin"
i use way too may parts of songs as my titles haha. but i love A Kidnap In Color! <3 well this was just for randomness & fun. i'll update you tonight.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
failure
never in my life have i failed any class, well not until this year.
so texas is very stupid & requires you to have a fine arts credit before you graduate high school. well the fact that i did choir for 7 freaking years before i started freshman year obviously doesn't count here! so now that i'm a sophomore i decided to take music theory because i didn't want to go back to choir (even though i love to sing more than anything in my life).
god, if i had known what i'd be getting myself into i would've never signed up for this class! i'm in it right now & just took a test that i know i failed. it sucks so bad because i've never been so clueless in any class. on our first report card it was the first time in my almost 16 years of life that i had a C on it! i almost cried.
but what bothers me the most is that normal art class counts as fine arts credit, yet photojournalism doesn't count as fine arts or technology (i need that credit too). what the heck?! photography is an art & we're working with computers and digital cameras, how is that not fine arts or technology??? ugh!
well lucky for me, i talked to my counselor & she said at the end of this semester i can drop out of music theory & join photoj II!!! i'll just take like art or something next year.
well class ends in 9 minutes so i'm off, have a wonderful day :]
so texas is very stupid & requires you to have a fine arts credit before you graduate high school. well the fact that i did choir for 7 freaking years before i started freshman year obviously doesn't count here! so now that i'm a sophomore i decided to take music theory because i didn't want to go back to choir (even though i love to sing more than anything in my life).
god, if i had known what i'd be getting myself into i would've never signed up for this class! i'm in it right now & just took a test that i know i failed. it sucks so bad because i've never been so clueless in any class. on our first report card it was the first time in my almost 16 years of life that i had a C on it! i almost cried.
but what bothers me the most is that normal art class counts as fine arts credit, yet photojournalism doesn't count as fine arts or technology (i need that credit too). what the heck?! photography is an art & we're working with computers and digital cameras, how is that not fine arts or technology??? ugh!
well lucky for me, i talked to my counselor & she said at the end of this semester i can drop out of music theory & join photoj II!!! i'll just take like art or something next year.
well class ends in 9 minutes so i'm off, have a wonderful day :]
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
overrated
ugh! it makes me so mad how overrated the twilight saga is! like i bought twilight when it FIRST came out & now it's all girls talk about. some even get so ridiculous to think that "vampires" are real & hat one day they'll find an eduward. like are you kidding me? it's called a fiction book for a reason, dears. it's all imagination gone right to make money, period. now i give stephenie total props for writing such interesting & successful books but it's gotten way out of control. oh well, i still enjoy the story & always will. i'm not about to let dumb little girls ruin something i like :]
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
sickness
what is it abou the fall & winter that makes me be constanly ill? jeez! it's so annoying. oh & sunday i had some evil jerky that made really sick. i couldn't hold anything down for longer than 20 minutes. my sunday night & most of monday was nto very pleasent. poopie. oh well, i'm better now. well, if you don't count the fact that i have a cold coming on. time to start bundleling up & keeping warm! :]
Sunday, November 2, 2008
anger
i just realized how much anger i hold in me. it's pretty ridiculous actually. i started thinking about how easily i'm angered & how destructive i get, and i'm thinking i might be bipolar. my mood swings happen instantly & are drastic. it's really crazy. the smallest of things trigger it and make me furious!
a perfect example was today. so i'm out of church all happy that i got to see raygan after like 2 months & still very happy from friday. so i'm at costco with my mom & we pass by the area that they had the rockband 2 set up. and because this year i don't really want anything for christmas & i don't normally play video games i asked my mom to buy me that because it's the only time i'd ever use the wii or ps3. well she tells me that my dad & her are never going to buy me it because they think i don't truely want it, that i'm only asking it because my best friend wants it. like what the hell man?
it's always this way. whenever i want to do something that isn't normally me, they always go and say i only want it because some friend of mine does or have it. like am i not allowed to have a mind of my own & want certain things? who gives a shit if a friend of mine does or have something very similar? maybe i actually liked it & want to try.
god, and if that wasn't bad enough she starts telling me that i need to stop arguing when they're telling me something that i know is wrong on their part. she directly told me that no matter what i'm never going to win the arguement & that it's only going to stress everyone out. well i told her that either way I'M going to be stressed. can you guess what she said to me? she said "well keep it to yourself then because we don't want nor need to hear it." WHAT THE FUCK?! is my life getting so ridiculous that i have to just put up with their bullshit? i don't think so. it's not my nature to just sit there and take things. i will continue to argue & they can suck it. i'm counting the days until i leave my house.
& ok i'm really messed up in the head. like i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depression, & now i think Bipolar Disorder (which are all mental disorders that can be fixed) but like i can't tell my parents this. they're so closed minded that they don't even want to try to understnad what they are or take me to a doctor. my mother simply tells me that i'm going crazy & need to go to a mental hospital. thanks mom.
i'm sick of my house, at this point i want to move back to brazil & live with my godmother.
i wasn't even going to post this, i have a blog i started last night telling veryone how amazing friday was but i fell asleep last night & didn't get to finish it. but i had to get this off my chest or i was going to really go crazy.
a perfect example was today. so i'm out of church all happy that i got to see raygan after like 2 months & still very happy from friday. so i'm at costco with my mom & we pass by the area that they had the rockband 2 set up. and because this year i don't really want anything for christmas & i don't normally play video games i asked my mom to buy me that because it's the only time i'd ever use the wii or ps3. well she tells me that my dad & her are never going to buy me it because they think i don't truely want it, that i'm only asking it because my best friend wants it. like what the hell man?
it's always this way. whenever i want to do something that isn't normally me, they always go and say i only want it because some friend of mine does or have it. like am i not allowed to have a mind of my own & want certain things? who gives a shit if a friend of mine does or have something very similar? maybe i actually liked it & want to try.
god, and if that wasn't bad enough she starts telling me that i need to stop arguing when they're telling me something that i know is wrong on their part. she directly told me that no matter what i'm never going to win the arguement & that it's only going to stress everyone out. well i told her that either way I'M going to be stressed. can you guess what she said to me? she said "well keep it to yourself then because we don't want nor need to hear it." WHAT THE FUCK?! is my life getting so ridiculous that i have to just put up with their bullshit? i don't think so. it's not my nature to just sit there and take things. i will continue to argue & they can suck it. i'm counting the days until i leave my house.
& ok i'm really messed up in the head. like i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depression, & now i think Bipolar Disorder (which are all mental disorders that can be fixed) but like i can't tell my parents this. they're so closed minded that they don't even want to try to understnad what they are or take me to a doctor. my mother simply tells me that i'm going crazy & need to go to a mental hospital. thanks mom.
i'm sick of my house, at this point i want to move back to brazil & live with my godmother.
i wasn't even going to post this, i have a blog i started last night telling veryone how amazing friday was but i fell asleep last night & didn't get to finish it. but i had to get this off my chest or i was going to really go crazy.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
is it friday yet?
omg!!! i get to see my paris this weekend!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! sorry, i'm crazy happy. i haven't seen that boy since may! talk about torture. that concert is going to be so fun! i'm ubberly excited :D
on the other hand, i'm growing to hate the plano centre so much! all these little "scene" whores with hair that looks like a bird's nest that has been crapped on by a racoon. & they're all like 12 years old. they don't go for the music, they sit outside or in the lobby and smoke or try to act "hardcore". god i hate these people. oh well, people hate them anyways :]
well i'm crazy bored in photoj. pooooooooooooooop.
Friday, October 24, 2008
"i'm always late with my words..."
this is so true. like when you actually think about it. how many times do we want to say something, but hold it back last minute? i know i do. but this isn't the point of the blog. i only wrote that title because it's part of the song i'm listening to :]
so this is something i've been asking myself for quite a while now...why do WE, as humans, get to decide what beauty is? we didn't create the things and people on this earth. yet we pick out what is "beautiful". it doesn't make sense, nor is it fair. we need to stop this because we have no right to exclude people or things.
this blog is so scattered around haha. but i feel like saying different things.
this week has been brutal man! like i've never been so tired, annoyed, sick, overwhelmed, stressed, & all these lovely feeling in a single week. they were right when they said sophomore year is your hardest. :[ i have so much work to do & had like 4 tests in 2 days!!! ugh! i seriously don't want to do anything but knit this weekend.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
second best
this is a feeling that will never leave my side. it's forever my companion.you'd think that after so many years, i'd be used to it. so not. i'm always second best to everyone. to my friends, to my grandma, & even my parents. i'm one of the babies on both sides of my family, and my grandmother favors my older cousins. i'm not "#1" to any of my friends, always 2 or 3. and of course, i come after to my parents. i think it's so messed up because they don't know if they're always going to be together, but no matter what i'm still theirs'! but i still come second. people see me as second in comparison to my friends, and that will never, ever change. god, why am i so inferior? why can't i be the best at something, anyhting. i can't even imagine how it'd be if i had siblings. i'd probably die. ugh, whatever. i'm goign to go sleep and be second best again tomorrow and every day until i die...
Monday, October 20, 2008
fear the silence
ok so let's be real. how many times have you tried making a joke that no one understood so they just sat there? & then things get all awkward and weird, right? (trust me i'm trying to make a point here) well while a lot of us fear the reactions we'll get from what we say, the reactions we cause internally are far more complicating than anything we could ever say. the moment someone expects a reactions from you & you keep it to yourself, the imaginations runs wild. i speak here from experience.
we're all so programed now to be "polite" that we forget that some things actually need to be spoken. i'm learning that by keeping so many things to myself, whatever is bothering me will NEVER change! it'll just keep on happening until i put an end to it. but i can only wish it was that easy. i mean, latino parents are crazy strict on "manners". i'm not even kidding. especially towards anyone at least 3 years older than us.
take this sunday for example. so i went to church, had a blast, came home, talked to my god mother, & went out to lunch with my mom & 2 family friends. now our family friends, bruno & luana, are such sweeties. they're older than me, but younger than my parents. actually, they're 14 years older than me, but 14 years younger than my parents! hahah anyways...so bruno is like that annoying older brother i never had. & normally it's crazy funny when he's teasing me and stuff. but sunday at lunch i got seriously ticked off!
we all have things we can't do & things have PHOBIAS (not just simply scared) of. i'm no exception to this. i can't ride a bike (no one ever bothered teaching me & i never cared for it) & i'm DEATHLY afraid of doctors/medical needles. simple as that. no one makes a big deal about it, & when it comes to the phobia my parents do what they can to help me. so we were all talking & got on the topic of both these things (not at the same time). and bruno decided it'd be cool to make fun of me for not knowing how to ride a bike. he said a lot of crap that went in through one ear & out the other. but when he got to the needles thing, i wanted to punch him. he was saying that it was ridiculous that someone as big as me should be scared of needles. i honestly think that half the time he forgets i'm only 15. but he doesn't understand that since i was freaking 2 years old or whatever, i've beed terrified of them. so it's not a silly thing i can just "get over". this phobia will probably be with me for the rest of my life.
but what was bothering me was not the fact that he was teasing me, but that this was even concerning him. because he wasn't just teasing, he was being serious about it. he's not even close to being related to me, so why even try to get into this. it's none of his business.
but this brings me back to the whole not speaking your mind/manners things. i wanted so badly to say something, stand up for myself, tell him off, ANYTHING! but i couldn't, because i have "manners". now do i seriously have manners, you bet i do. i can be the most polite person you'll ever meet, but no one is that way 24/7. & i couldn't say a word that day because the minute i got back in my car, my mom would've bitched me out for being rude. so i sat there and tried not to fling my steak knife at his head. :]
& it's like my parents are so dumb. they've taught me so wrong. i know i have to respect my parents, duh! but when i know for a fact that i'm right, i'm not going to shut up until my point has been made. & they refuse to admit to being wrong. and because i've been taught to not talk back, i shut up, turn around, run in my bathroom, & cry until i throw up. but what i've been realizing lately is that, sure i feel better after i do this, but if i keep doing it my parents will never know how i feel when they do this & i'll always be unhappy.
now, i am only 15 years old & am very young. but if anyone could live in my head for a week they'd see just how old i really feel. i guarantee that i will never be on the maturity level i'm supposed to be at. today i proved this, i was acting more mature than my parents. as i keep getting older, i realize even more of what's going on around me. i've realized that, yes i am a horrible person, but it's ok because i know it & god will forgive me for it. i've also realized how much my parents have lied to me my entire life. i seriously grew up in a world of lies. i can see a parent lying to keep their child safe from real danger, but the things i've found out are just ridiculous. i won't go into detail but i'm sure you have an idea of what i mean. i'm sick of it. i take everything i hate about my parents & file it away for when i have a child. i'll raise them the way i wish i was raised. & my mother wonders why i keep things from her...
well i've talked enough. i want to go shower & sleep. have a great week everyone.
we're all so programed now to be "polite" that we forget that some things actually need to be spoken. i'm learning that by keeping so many things to myself, whatever is bothering me will NEVER change! it'll just keep on happening until i put an end to it. but i can only wish it was that easy. i mean, latino parents are crazy strict on "manners". i'm not even kidding. especially towards anyone at least 3 years older than us.
take this sunday for example. so i went to church, had a blast, came home, talked to my god mother, & went out to lunch with my mom & 2 family friends. now our family friends, bruno & luana, are such sweeties. they're older than me, but younger than my parents. actually, they're 14 years older than me, but 14 years younger than my parents! hahah anyways...so bruno is like that annoying older brother i never had. & normally it's crazy funny when he's teasing me and stuff. but sunday at lunch i got seriously ticked off!
we all have things we can't do & things have PHOBIAS (not just simply scared) of. i'm no exception to this. i can't ride a bike (no one ever bothered teaching me & i never cared for it) & i'm DEATHLY afraid of doctors/medical needles. simple as that. no one makes a big deal about it, & when it comes to the phobia my parents do what they can to help me. so we were all talking & got on the topic of both these things (not at the same time). and bruno decided it'd be cool to make fun of me for not knowing how to ride a bike. he said a lot of crap that went in through one ear & out the other. but when he got to the needles thing, i wanted to punch him. he was saying that it was ridiculous that someone as big as me should be scared of needles. i honestly think that half the time he forgets i'm only 15. but he doesn't understand that since i was freaking 2 years old or whatever, i've beed terrified of them. so it's not a silly thing i can just "get over". this phobia will probably be with me for the rest of my life.
but what was bothering me was not the fact that he was teasing me, but that this was even concerning him. because he wasn't just teasing, he was being serious about it. he's not even close to being related to me, so why even try to get into this. it's none of his business.
but this brings me back to the whole not speaking your mind/manners things. i wanted so badly to say something, stand up for myself, tell him off, ANYTHING! but i couldn't, because i have "manners". now do i seriously have manners, you bet i do. i can be the most polite person you'll ever meet, but no one is that way 24/7. & i couldn't say a word that day because the minute i got back in my car, my mom would've bitched me out for being rude. so i sat there and tried not to fling my steak knife at his head. :]
& it's like my parents are so dumb. they've taught me so wrong. i know i have to respect my parents, duh! but when i know for a fact that i'm right, i'm not going to shut up until my point has been made. & they refuse to admit to being wrong. and because i've been taught to not talk back, i shut up, turn around, run in my bathroom, & cry until i throw up. but what i've been realizing lately is that, sure i feel better after i do this, but if i keep doing it my parents will never know how i feel when they do this & i'll always be unhappy.
now, i am only 15 years old & am very young. but if anyone could live in my head for a week they'd see just how old i really feel. i guarantee that i will never be on the maturity level i'm supposed to be at. today i proved this, i was acting more mature than my parents. as i keep getting older, i realize even more of what's going on around me. i've realized that, yes i am a horrible person, but it's ok because i know it & god will forgive me for it. i've also realized how much my parents have lied to me my entire life. i seriously grew up in a world of lies. i can see a parent lying to keep their child safe from real danger, but the things i've found out are just ridiculous. i won't go into detail but i'm sure you have an idea of what i mean. i'm sick of it. i take everything i hate about my parents & file it away for when i have a child. i'll raise them the way i wish i was raised. & my mother wonders why i keep things from her...
well i've talked enough. i want to go shower & sleep. have a great week everyone.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
random babble
me & ester
me & tyler
-Isabela Macedo De Sousa
listening to: Keep Secrets - Saosin
Monday, September 8, 2008
i truely hate myself
i'm:
stupid
ignorant
close-minded
idiotic
mean
judgemental
fake
rude
jealous
two-faced
selfish
& probably everything else you can think of.
stupid
ignorant
close-minded
idiotic
mean
judgemental
fake
rude
jealous
two-faced
selfish
& probably everything else you can think of.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
new new new
alley, anthony green, & me :] last monday (8/25) was my first day as a sophmore and it went pretty well. that whole week did actually. i like most my teachers, just about all my classes, and some of the people in them. the only down side to starting school again is that i spent my summer hoping there'd be new boys that are in my style, but i was in for a huge let down. it was the same guys that i already knew, already went through, and now didn't care for. ugh! frisco sucks! correction, liberty sucks cauz wakeland has all the hot guys. poop.
then yesterday was a wonderful new experience. in the past i had a hate for anthony green (current frontman for circa survive & ex singer of saosin) after i read an interview saosin gave revealing some of the things anthony said/called them after he left the band. as time passed i got over it and learned to like him. and yesterday alley & i went to go see his side project preform. it was really good! very slow, very mellow, kinda folkish almost. but still very good. we also got to meet him, and he is such a sweetheart <3. for alley this was big because she's loved him since his saosin days but has never met him. good for her :]. i've had an exciting week and i love it! tomorrow i have the day off & i plan on sleeping most of it! hahahaha. take cae and have a good labor day everyone.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
it's official
i have the most ungrateful parents in the world. i really do. i do everything they tell me & i do it the best i can, but it's NEVER good enough. it's not good enough that i always have all A's but 1 or 2 B's on my report cards. it's not enough that i clean the whole house everyday while they're working, but the one day i my alarm clock doesn't go off & i end up sleeping in & my parents come home early from work (at 1), my mom comes wake me up by yelling at me and telling me to go clean. like wtf?! i'm so sick of all this crap. i know for a fact that i don't deserve the way they treat me. and then my mother wonders why i never want to spend time with her, because you're a rude bitch! that's why. i haven't done a single thing this summer besides go to a few local shows. the rest of the time i've stayed home and cleaned, and cleaned some more. and it's like right when she walks in the door she finds something i forgot to clean or didn't clean well. i can't wait for school to start. only 11 more days. i need to not be around them so much. i need to go get stressed and focussed on other things. they are driving me insane & i'm scared i'm going to blow up in their faces. oh & get this, she was yelling at me a little while ago and she just came in my room and kissed my forehead. i swear this woman is fucking bipolar or fake. all i know is that right now i hate her. i'm going to wokr my ass off these next 2 years so i can get a 4-year scholarship so i can get the hell out of here. be far far far away from them.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
reality check
good times...omg, wow. tonight i realized something that i should've realized a long time ago. i know i'm still very young, but in february i turn 16 and i'm growing up so fast. it's really crazy.
it doesn't seem like i left home 8 years, 1 month, & 52 days ago. this long away from my home. away from my family. away from everything i once knew.
it seriously saddens me to think about this, and that's why i don't.
but i've been hating being my age, wnating to get older faster so i can be independent and free, but that's dumb. the older i get, the more respossibilities i'll have and less freedom. i really need to enjoy these years and slow down. have my teen fun. be with friends. do what makes me happy. and thank my parents daily. time goes by so fast and we don't take the time to enjoy it. i need to snap into reality and understand that wanting to rush into adulthood isn't what i should want. from now on i'm going to enjoy being a teenager. i know tons of people that would kill to be my age again, and here i am wanting to be their's. that stops now.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
stalker much?
ok so i still haven't gone to sleep & the tyra show is on. today's topic really freaks me out! it's talking about stalkers who use the camera in people's phones to spy on them. and it's crazy because they aren't targeting 1 specific person, it goes from the parents down to the pets. i mean are you seriously that bored with life that you're going to look at & threaten a family who hasn't done a thing to you.
now the girl that it all started with claims she's come face-to-face with the person but that he was wearing all black & had a ski mask on. and i don't doubt that, what i do doubt is the fact that she said she ran into him at school outside her classes. like i'm in high school, so i know how the schools work. and trust me, there are cameras everywhere & you have to go through so much so they can let you wear a visitor badge and walk around school. there's no way a school let a "stranger" into her school and especially let him wander around a public school. it just can't happen. give us a new excuse darling.
they are also talking about upskirting. like it seriously scares me to see what the world is coming to. i mean i hope to one day have kids, and if it's this crazy now can you imagine how crazier it's going to be in 10 years??? i don't want my kids to grow up in this environment. if the person isn't famous, is wearing panties, and a complete stranger why the hell would you want to shove a camera up their skirt? to see what color panties she has on? like give me a break. people are sick and need help.
like sometimes i kinda feel like a stalker because i read every blog some people write, but i know i'm not cauz it's public...duh! hahaha but it gets a tad odd sometimes. well i'm going to finish watching this & possibly sleep? hehehe good morning everyone.
now the girl that it all started with claims she's come face-to-face with the person but that he was wearing all black & had a ski mask on. and i don't doubt that, what i do doubt is the fact that she said she ran into him at school outside her classes. like i'm in high school, so i know how the schools work. and trust me, there are cameras everywhere & you have to go through so much so they can let you wear a visitor badge and walk around school. there's no way a school let a "stranger" into her school and especially let him wander around a public school. it just can't happen. give us a new excuse darling.
they are also talking about upskirting. like it seriously scares me to see what the world is coming to. i mean i hope to one day have kids, and if it's this crazy now can you imagine how crazier it's going to be in 10 years??? i don't want my kids to grow up in this environment. if the person isn't famous, is wearing panties, and a complete stranger why the hell would you want to shove a camera up their skirt? to see what color panties she has on? like give me a break. people are sick and need help.
like sometimes i kinda feel like a stalker because i read every blog some people write, but i know i'm not cauz it's public...duh! hahaha but it gets a tad odd sometimes. well i'm going to finish watching this & possibly sleep? hehehe good morning everyone.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
it's funny how things work out
so many things have happened since i last wrote. i love how each day is a new lesson being taught to you, but if you don't catch it you won't learn it. and that's how i am-i don't catch things that fast.
now i'll be the first one to tell you that i have the biggest trust issues, but once i get to know someone i slowly give them some of my trust. well i've just recently not only lost all trust for a "friend" but lost her completely. and let me tell you something, i sure don't miss that friendship. this summer has been so weird & busy that i don't have time to talk to my close friends, friends, or acquaintances. the only people i talk to are my 2 best friends & that's because they call me. i'm either cleaning all day or sleeping, so i can't do much.
well a so-called "close friend" decides that because she's about to get surgery (she's had this procedure before, btw) and she will be going to a new school soon that her life is way too boring, and being the drama queen she is she decides to start some drama. it's rediculous how myspace is just a breading ground for drama. so it's day of her surgery, i'm not even home that day (went to work with my mom), and she decides to post a bulletin saying how dissapointed she is in the people who she thought were "close" to her but that didn't wish her good luck with her surgery. then being as mature as she is, she lists the people who actually did [it was like 7 people only]. now i see this bulletin the day she comes home from teh hospital and decide to be polite and say sorry but that i've been busy. i gave her 2 very simple & short sentences, and she replies with 2 freaking long paragraphs, i was amazed! she's going on and on about how it's not even the fact that i didn't wish her good luck, that it was "the fact that i couldn't take 2 seconds out of my 'busy' life to text her a 'hey'". yes, i did just quote her. but you see, it had been like a week, 2 max, since i had last talked to her. whether it be on myspace, texting, or calling. now i'm not mad, i'm not aggravated, i'm just kinda like what the heck? she was being hypocritical because while she's bitching & moaning about how i can't take the time to text her hi because i've been too busy cleaning, she can't take the time to text me because she's too busy either siting on her ass or hanging with her basketball buddies. and that's what i told her, the simple truth. well she doesn't even reply & just deletes me. let me tell you this little fact, she's the type of person that will delete you just so she can trash talk you to everyone else. mature, right? knowing her, i borroed my friend's account and went to look for a bulletin that she had most likely already posted, turns out i was right. you see i've been made fun of my whole life (well up until 3 years ago) & have been called some pretty nasty things, but never in my whole 15.5 years of life has anyone ever been so rude to me. to call me a retarded asshole, a fucking liar, and a whore is so trashy & low that instead of hurting me, it just pissed me the fuck off! i was read to yank that nasty, ugly hair of hers right out of her head with my bare hands! NOTE: I GET MAD EASILY, BUT NOT THIS MAD. so war starts. i decide to come clean first. you see when we first started off we were the best of friends, but as the school year went on and she kept screwing my friends over i kept losing trust. byt the end of the school year i was a two-faced bitch to her. this girl will do whatever it takes to get attention from guys, even if she doesn't like them. & i was making all her main targets stop talking to her. i told her the reason 1 of her exs dumped her, instead of the other way around, was because of me. why her most recent ex (who is a dumbass and is manipulated super easily) finally got over her and shut her out of his life was because of me. also why our older friend had stoped flirting with her (we're 15 & he's 21, but she told him she was 18) was because of me. not once had she ever done anything to me directly, but she did something worse-she fucked with my friends. and then things got out of hand. until we finally just decided that since she wasn't going to be at my school & i wasn't going to have to put up with her to just leave each other alone. all i can say is-so far, so good.
and then comes my mother. i love her; i love her to death, but durring the summer i want to kill her! (not literally). like she never gets a vacation, and i totally understand that she's tired, but she doesn't understand that while i'm at school i'm getting so exhausted and i need my vacation. i need to just sit around for once & not stress about school. i need to catch up on 9 months of sleep deprivation. i need to relax! to her me being on vacation means she just got herself a free maid. i have a fucking scheduel posted on the fridge of what i have to do daily. and it's like because they know i'm going to be cleaning, they don't even clean up after themselves. they leave everything everywhere for ME to clean up. & when i ask to go somewhere or do something they alwasy have to "think" about it. like they have to see if i deserve to go have some fun. & she comes home and there's no "hi honey" all i get is "there are dishes in the sink, why aren't they washed?" or "why hasn't the living room been vaccumed?" like are you kidding me??? give me a break! i'm a kid, i procrastinate, i take my time. i'm seriously counting the days until i go back to school.
well i'm listening to saosin, and they always make me feel better and i'm tired. good night everyone.
now i'll be the first one to tell you that i have the biggest trust issues, but once i get to know someone i slowly give them some of my trust. well i've just recently not only lost all trust for a "friend" but lost her completely. and let me tell you something, i sure don't miss that friendship. this summer has been so weird & busy that i don't have time to talk to my close friends, friends, or acquaintances. the only people i talk to are my 2 best friends & that's because they call me. i'm either cleaning all day or sleeping, so i can't do much.
well a so-called "close friend" decides that because she's about to get surgery (she's had this procedure before, btw) and she will be going to a new school soon that her life is way too boring, and being the drama queen she is she decides to start some drama. it's rediculous how myspace is just a breading ground for drama. so it's day of her surgery, i'm not even home that day (went to work with my mom), and she decides to post a bulletin saying how dissapointed she is in the people who she thought were "close" to her but that didn't wish her good luck with her surgery. then being as mature as she is, she lists the people who actually did [it was like 7 people only]. now i see this bulletin the day she comes home from teh hospital and decide to be polite and say sorry but that i've been busy. i gave her 2 very simple & short sentences, and she replies with 2 freaking long paragraphs, i was amazed! she's going on and on about how it's not even the fact that i didn't wish her good luck, that it was "the fact that i couldn't take 2 seconds out of my 'busy' life to text her a 'hey'". yes, i did just quote her. but you see, it had been like a week, 2 max, since i had last talked to her. whether it be on myspace, texting, or calling. now i'm not mad, i'm not aggravated, i'm just kinda like what the heck? she was being hypocritical because while she's bitching & moaning about how i can't take the time to text her hi because i've been too busy cleaning, she can't take the time to text me because she's too busy either siting on her ass or hanging with her basketball buddies. and that's what i told her, the simple truth. well she doesn't even reply & just deletes me. let me tell you this little fact, she's the type of person that will delete you just so she can trash talk you to everyone else. mature, right? knowing her, i borroed my friend's account and went to look for a bulletin that she had most likely already posted, turns out i was right. you see i've been made fun of my whole life (well up until 3 years ago) & have been called some pretty nasty things, but never in my whole 15.5 years of life has anyone ever been so rude to me. to call me a retarded asshole, a fucking liar, and a whore is so trashy & low that instead of hurting me, it just pissed me the fuck off! i was read to yank that nasty, ugly hair of hers right out of her head with my bare hands! NOTE: I GET MAD EASILY, BUT NOT THIS MAD. so war starts. i decide to come clean first. you see when we first started off we were the best of friends, but as the school year went on and she kept screwing my friends over i kept losing trust. byt the end of the school year i was a two-faced bitch to her. this girl will do whatever it takes to get attention from guys, even if she doesn't like them. & i was making all her main targets stop talking to her. i told her the reason 1 of her exs dumped her, instead of the other way around, was because of me. why her most recent ex (who is a dumbass and is manipulated super easily) finally got over her and shut her out of his life was because of me. also why our older friend had stoped flirting with her (we're 15 & he's 21, but she told him she was 18) was because of me. not once had she ever done anything to me directly, but she did something worse-she fucked with my friends. and then things got out of hand. until we finally just decided that since she wasn't going to be at my school & i wasn't going to have to put up with her to just leave each other alone. all i can say is-so far, so good.
and then comes my mother. i love her; i love her to death, but durring the summer i want to kill her! (not literally). like she never gets a vacation, and i totally understand that she's tired, but she doesn't understand that while i'm at school i'm getting so exhausted and i need my vacation. i need to just sit around for once & not stress about school. i need to catch up on 9 months of sleep deprivation. i need to relax! to her me being on vacation means she just got herself a free maid. i have a fucking scheduel posted on the fridge of what i have to do daily. and it's like because they know i'm going to be cleaning, they don't even clean up after themselves. they leave everything everywhere for ME to clean up. & when i ask to go somewhere or do something they alwasy have to "think" about it. like they have to see if i deserve to go have some fun. & she comes home and there's no "hi honey" all i get is "there are dishes in the sink, why aren't they washed?" or "why hasn't the living room been vaccumed?" like are you kidding me??? give me a break! i'm a kid, i procrastinate, i take my time. i'm seriously counting the days until i go back to school.
well i'm listening to saosin, and they always make me feel better and i'm tired. good night everyone.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
feeling very alone
so it seems like lately i haven't been able to avoid the fact that i've been single for so long & have been feeling so lonely. i cannot stand it. the last guy i was with treated me like i was actually important (unlike my ex before him). like i ment something to him. ge didn't ignore me all the time, & that's all i need - a little love & attention. is it too much to ask for? someone real that can care about me and pay a little bit of attention to me. apparently it is. while all the fake ass whores get the sweet guys that they walk all over, the truely loving girls who deserve a good relationship rarely get it. goes to show how fair the world is these days. whatever i guess. not like there's anything i can do about it. it just saddens me to know that i am alone and that no one cares for me. :[ when is someone real going to show up? how long am i going to have to wait? this sucks. i think i'm going to go listen to some love songs and have a good cry. hopefully that'll help me a bit.
Friday, July 18, 2008
music junkie
beau & i 3/02/07
justin & i 3/02/07
cove & i 3/02/07
chris & i 3/02/07
good morning. so it's 6:26 am and i have come to the conclusion that once school starts, i'm totally fucked. my sleeping scheduel is, go to bed at 5 or 6 am and wake up at 3 pm! i feel like such a bum hahaha. but it's not my fault i'm a night person. but i'll have to get my sleeping patterns in better shape in the month of august for school.ok enought about that. so i'm laying in bed on the laptop listening to national product and it reminded me how happy i got tonight! (trust me, NP is part of it) so what happened was, me being the music junkie i am i was looking around on band's myspaces and happened to stop by NP's. so i'm scrolling down and i happen to find out that not only are they going on tour with the yummy guys from the band 1997 but they'll be at my second favorite venue! my day was complete when i saw that. then tonight i get an alert telling me one of the blogs i subcribed to on myspace had posted a new blog and it so happened to be saosin <333.
ok before i continue let me give you a little background info about saosin & i. about 2 years ago a friend of mine introduced me to this band called saosin. i checked them out. liked their sound. bought their cd. and loved it. but that was about it, i didn't really look after trying to see them live or anything. well i went to TOC 07 so i could finally see them live, little did i know i would fall in love that night. (oh fyi: i had a broken toe, was on a foot brace, and pain killers at the time) so alley & i are inside watching senses fail while her ex stepmom was in line waiting for us until it got short & we could meet saosin. well in the middle of the set i get a text saying "it's almost your turn". omg i freaked! i start getting out of my seat, stepping on people's cups, running out of the main room, into the lobby, up 2 flight of stairs, down a long hallway, and finaly to the line (i was ready to cry from pain. pain that i only felt hours later). oh did i mention i ran faster than my friend who wasn't injured? hahaha so we get there & the thing is i was in love with the music but i had never actually seen the memebers of saosin. and the first person i happen to meet is mr.beau burchell. it was seriously love at first sight. but all the guys are super sweet. now i was in love with their music and them. well about a month later i saw them again (first time in march, second in april). then i again in august, october, & finally january 08. yes i was a full blown fanatic. and i haven't seen them since because they went to write a new album.
bringing me back to the point. in the blog chris wrote tonight is said that they already had a lot of songs done and that they were already in pre production! not only that but that in the fall we can expect the album to come out and a come back tour!!! i wanted to cry! hahaha i was just too excited.
then tonight i'm going to my friend's band EP release show. they're not signed and are there with a bunch of unknown bands. it's things like these that keep me breathing. i'm not even kidding. music pumps throw my veins, and i'd hate it if anything else pumped instead. :]
i think it's so funny that my mother has said that there was "too much music in my life"...BS! that's humanly impossible! i'd love to be able to tour one day. but i know my voice isn't bad but i'm not confudent enough to sing alone. so maybe i'll be a tour manager or merch girl hahaha nah i'd feel shitty if i was. watching my friends do what i want while i'm stuck at a table selling their shit. no thanks, not my scene.
well it's 7 am, my parents wake up in 30 mins, i need to fake sleep, wait for them to leave, have breakfast, put away my laundry, nap for a few hours, straighten my hair, and wait for m best friend to come pick me up so we can go do what we do best - support local bands. :D
- Isabela
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
first timer
hello everyone. ok i'll be the first to admit that i'm not really a blogger or that into blogging, but lately i've found myself wanting to share what's been going on (which has been quite a bit).
but on the positive side...i had so fun at the concerts i have attended so far & the time i've spent with alley. i was backstage at warped tour, i finally met craig owens at the plano summerfest, & time spent with alley is always great! i want more fun things like that. i want more super local shows with bands i don't even know but will soon love. on friday i'm going to one to support my friend's band & their EP release at a small venue with underground bands. then on the 25th while mains ass stream bands like metro station, boys like girls, the maine, & good charlotte (i've seen all of them live before) are preforming in big venues here i'm going to see another local show. it's things like these that make me happy. i mean truely happy. new bands with my best friend, does it get any better? i think not.
well for a first timer i've talked way too much. so good night & sweet dreams.
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