new new new

alley, anthony green, & me :]

so i had a couple new experiences lately.

last monday (8/25) was my first day as a sophmore and it went pretty well. that whole week did actually. i like most my teachers, just about all my classes, and some of the people in them. the only down side to starting school again is that i spent my summer hoping there'd be new boys that are in my style, but i was in for a huge let down. it was the same guys that i already knew, already went through, and now didn't care for. ugh! frisco sucks! correction, liberty sucks cauz wakeland has all the hot guys. poop.

then yesterday was a wonderful new experience. in the past i had a hate for anthony green (current frontman for circa survive & ex singer of saosin) after i read an interview saosin gave revealing some of the things anthony said/called them after he left the band. as time passed i got over it and learned to like him. and yesterday alley & i went to go see his side project preform. it was really good! very slow, very mellow, kinda folkish almost. but still very good. we also got to meet him, and he is such a sweetheart <3. for alley this was big because she's loved him since his saosin days but has never met him. good for her :]. i've had an exciting week and i love it! tomorrow i have the day off & i plan on sleeping most of it! hahahaha. take cae and have a good labor day everyone.

it's official

i have the most ungrateful parents in the world. i really do. i do everything they tell me & i do it the best i can, but it's NEVER good enough. it's not good enough that i always have all A's but 1 or 2 B's on my report cards. it's not enough that i clean the whole house everyday while they're working, but the one day i my alarm clock doesn't go off & i end up sleeping in & my parents come home early from work (at 1), my mom comes wake me up by yelling at me and telling me to go clean. like wtf?! i'm so sick of all this crap. i know for a fact that i don't deserve the way they treat me. and then my mother wonders why i never want to spend time with her, because you're a rude bitch! that's why. i haven't done a single thing this summer besides go to a few local shows. the rest of the time i've stayed home and cleaned, and cleaned some more. and it's like right when she walks in the door she finds something i forgot to clean or didn't clean well. i can't wait for school to start. only 11 more days. i need to not be around them so much. i need to go get stressed and focussed on other things. they are driving me insane & i'm scared i'm going to blow up in their faces. oh & get this, she was yelling at me a little while ago and she just came in my room and kissed my forehead. i swear this woman is fucking bipolar or fake. all i know is that right now i hate her. i'm going to wokr my ass off these next 2 years so i can get a 4-year scholarship so i can get the hell out of here. be far far far away from them.

reality check

good times...

omg, wow. tonight i realized something that i should've realized a long time ago. i know i'm still very young, but in february i turn 16 and i'm growing up so fast. it's really crazy.

it doesn't seem like i left home 8 years, 1 month, & 52 days ago. this long away from my home. away from my family. away from everything i once knew.

it seriously saddens me to think about this, and that's why i don't.

but i've been hating being my age, wnating to get older faster so i can be independent and free, but that's dumb. the older i get, the more respossibilities i'll have and less freedom. i really need to enjoy these years and slow down. have my teen fun. be with friends. do what makes me happy. and thank my parents daily. time goes by so fast and we don't take the time to enjoy it. i need to snap into reality and understand that wanting to rush into adulthood isn't what i should want. from now on i'm going to enjoy being a teenager. i know tons of people that would kill to be my age again, and here i am wanting to be their's. that stops now.

stalker much?

ok so i still haven't gone to sleep & the tyra show is on. today's topic really freaks me out! it's talking about stalkers who use the camera in people's phones to spy on them. and it's crazy because they aren't targeting 1 specific person, it goes from the parents down to the pets. i mean are you seriously that bored with life that you're going to look at & threaten a family who hasn't done a thing to you.

now the girl that it all started with claims she's come face-to-face with the person but that he was wearing all black & had a ski mask on. and i don't doubt that, what i do doubt is the fact that she said she ran into him at school outside her classes. like i'm in high school, so i know how the schools work. and trust me, there are cameras everywhere & you have to go through so much so they can let you wear a visitor badge and walk around school. there's no way a school let a "stranger" into her school and especially let him wander around a public school. it just can't happen. give us a new excuse darling.

they are also talking about upskirting. like it seriously scares me to see what the world is coming to. i mean i hope to one day have kids, and if it's this crazy now can you imagine how crazier it's going to be in 10 years??? i don't want my kids to grow up in this environment. if the person isn't famous, is wearing panties, and a complete stranger why the hell would you want to shove a camera up their skirt? to see what color panties she has on? like give me a break. people are sick and need help.

like sometimes i kinda feel like a stalker because i read every blog some people write, but i know i'm not cauz it's public...duh! hahaha but it gets a tad odd sometimes. well i'm going to finish watching this & possibly sleep? hehehe good morning everyone.

it's funny how things work out

so many things have happened since i last wrote. i love how each day is a new lesson being taught to you, but if you don't catch it you won't learn it. and that's how i am-i don't catch things that fast.

now i'll be the first one to tell you that i have the biggest trust issues, but once i get to know someone i slowly give them some of my trust. well i've just recently not only lost all trust for a "friend" but lost her completely. and let me tell you something, i sure don't miss that friendship. this summer has been so weird & busy that i don't have time to talk to my close friends, friends, or acquaintances. the only people i talk to are my 2 best friends & that's because they call me. i'm either cleaning all day or sleeping, so i can't do much.

well a so-called "close friend" decides that because she's about to get surgery (she's had this procedure before, btw) and she will be going to a new school soon that her life is way too boring, and being the drama queen she is she decides to start some drama. it's rediculous how myspace is just a breading ground for drama. so it's day of her surgery, i'm not even home that day (went to work with my mom), and she decides to post a bulletin saying how dissapointed she is in the people who she thought were "close" to her but that didn't wish her good luck with her surgery. then being as mature as she is, she lists the people who actually did [it was like 7 people only]. now i see this bulletin the day she comes home from teh hospital and decide to be polite and say sorry but that i've been busy. i gave her 2 very simple & short sentences, and she replies with 2 freaking long paragraphs, i was amazed! she's going on and on about how it's not even the fact that i didn't wish her good luck, that it was "the fact that i couldn't take 2 seconds out of my 'busy' life to text her a 'hey'". yes, i did just quote her. but you see, it had been like a week, 2 max, since i had last talked to her. whether it be on myspace, texting, or calling. now i'm not mad, i'm not aggravated, i'm just kinda like what the heck? she was being hypocritical because while she's bitching & moaning about how i can't take the time to text her hi because i've been too busy cleaning, she can't take the time to text me because she's too busy either siting on her ass or hanging with her basketball buddies. and that's what i told her, the simple truth. well she doesn't even reply & just deletes me. let me tell you this little fact, she's the type of person that will delete you just so she can trash talk you to everyone else. mature, right? knowing her, i borroed my friend's account and went to look for a bulletin that she had most likely already posted, turns out i was right. you see i've been made fun of my whole life (well up until 3 years ago) & have been called some pretty nasty things, but never in my whole 15.5 years of life has anyone ever been so rude to me. to call me a retarded asshole, a fucking liar, and a whore is so trashy & low that instead of hurting me, it just pissed me the fuck off! i was read to yank that nasty, ugly hair of hers right out of her head with my bare hands! NOTE: I GET MAD EASILY, BUT NOT THIS MAD. so war starts. i decide to come clean first. you see when we first started off we were the best of friends, but as the school year went on and she kept screwing my friends over i kept losing trust. byt the end of the school year i was a two-faced bitch to her. this girl will do whatever it takes to get attention from guys, even if she doesn't like them. & i was making all her main targets stop talking to her. i told her the reason 1 of her exs dumped her, instead of the other way around, was because of me. why her most recent ex (who is a dumbass and is manipulated super easily) finally got over her and shut her out of his life was because of me. also why our older friend had stoped flirting with her (we're 15 & he's 21, but she told him she was 18) was because of me. not once had she ever done anything to me directly, but she did something worse-she fucked with my friends. and then things got out of hand. until we finally just decided that since she wasn't going to be at my school & i wasn't going to have to put up with her to just leave each other alone. all i can say is-so far, so good.

and then comes my mother. i love her; i love her to death, but durring the summer i want to kill her! (not literally). like she never gets a vacation, and i totally understand that she's tired, but she doesn't understand that while i'm at school i'm getting so exhausted and i need my vacation. i need to just sit around for once & not stress about school. i need to catch up on 9 months of sleep deprivation. i need to relax! to her me being on vacation means she just got herself a free maid. i have a fucking scheduel posted on the fridge of what i have to do daily. and it's like because they know i'm going to be cleaning, they don't even clean up after themselves. they leave everything everywhere for ME to clean up. & when i ask to go somewhere or do something they alwasy have to "think" about it. like they have to see if i deserve to go have some fun. & she comes home and there's no "hi honey" all i get is "there are dishes in the sink, why aren't they washed?" or "why hasn't the living room been vaccumed?" like are you kidding me??? give me a break! i'm a kid, i procrastinate, i take my time. i'm seriously counting the days until i go back to school.

well i'm listening to saosin, and they always make me feel better and i'm tired. good night everyone.