writer's block

it seems like i haven't had much to talk about lately.

and if anything has gone on that i haven't blogged about, it's simply because it's too personal (even for me)

so my poor blog has just been sitting here.

ummmmm........

i stood up to my mom yesterday.

but that wasn't anything major.

just told her that i'm a big girl, it's my body & if i wanna pierce it i will.

(which i am on monday btw)

now i just gotta tell my dad the same thing monday before i leave to do it

hahaha

but yeah...nothing.

semester ends on saturday, and then i'm off for a month.

yup.

i'm boring haha

just call me Chef Macedo

i just did my orientation for the culinary program and loved it!

i'm sooooo excited for next semester (:

one thing that did annoy me though was the fact that i'm already ServSafe certified and yet still have to take the sanitation class (the purpose of it is to certify you but it's required)

i'm going to work on my patry degree first & then go on and do just normal culinary

the professors are great

the people are fun

the environment is awesome

but they do have some very strict rules /:

i'll have to wear a spacer in my nose once i start class

& give up wearing nail polish on the week days

small price to pay i guess

once i'm signed up for classes and have purchased my uniform i'll be sure to post a photo (:

there is a new boy in my life

who is actually good for me.

i'm just really excited!

:D

my name is Isabela & i am a shark

yup you heard me,

a shark.

now i say this because yesterday at about 11pm i realized i'm some kind of mutant.

i was eating some yummy chips and queso with the family and friends when i felt all of it gunked up in my teeth (yuck!); so i went to the bathroom to get it all cleaned up but i noticed a tortilla bit that was stuck to my left bottom gum, right behind my wisdom tooth.

now part as to why i am a bit of a mutant is that not only are all 4 of my wisdom teeth almost fully grown, but they actually ripped out when i was like in the fourth grade.

so i'm try to scrape this stupid tortilla bit off and i won't budge.

i feel around a bit more and i realize it's too hard to be a tortilla bit.

so i do the logical thing,

scream for my dad to come look at it

(hahaha that is how i solve quite a few problems around here)

and he confirmed what i thought,

I HAVE A TOOTH THAT RIPPED OUT BEHIND MY WISDOM TOOTH.

behind my stupid halfway-grown wisdom tooth!

-_______________-

so we're gonna start planning my surgery,

and i'm really scared

i don't wanna be out of it

i don't wanna be in pain

i don't wanna be swollen

i don't wanna not be able to eat

i don't wanna not be able to talk

i don't wanna be uncomfortable

plus i actually use my wisdom teeth when i eat,

so it'll be weird when they're gone.

like when i'm bored i make my tongue stretch out far back and run over my bottom ones...it's kinda fun

but soon they'll be gone cause i apparently have rows of teeth like some mutant human-shark

lol

you know what i love?

pumpkin pie

but i don't always like traditional pumpkin pie

so i made the delicious double-layer pumpkin pie

it's to die for!

i have an addiction

to chocolate!

omg i love it so

i'll eat it all at once

it's wonderful

i'm eating some now!

<333

i love cooking

therefore i will be majoring in culinary arts.

the decision is made and i'm not going to kill myself over it.

just gotta keep calm and cook

(:

idk what to do

college is kicking my butt...badly!

i'm dropping out of my science class because i made a 46 on my midterm.

i do really well on my psych quizes but got a 29 out of 50 on my midterm.

i'm thinking about going on to study culinary arts but can't find a decent school in my area that won't make me bankrupt and that will offer the only kind of financial aid i can apply for.

there's like 3 different career options i'd really like to do but i'm not sure which one to pursue.

i'm lost...like really really lost.

i wish life was easier.

i'm like 2 seconds from dropping out of college and just going to work.

i wish i wasn't so nice

it's my personality to want to help those i care about, even when they've done me wrong.

i wish i wasn't like that.
i feel like a sucker for it.

i keep getting my heart broken

by the same guy.

who's not even my boyfriend anymore.

i really wish i had never met him.

i hate him.

money & sleep

are 2 things lacking in my life...

idk things are rough & stressful around here

/:

i need a vacation

is it december yet?

man until this school semester is over,

i don't think i'll be happy

my school schedule is so all over the place with some really not so great professors

/:

december 11th is the last day of the semester...

hopefully i'll make it

all i have to say is

i can't wait to move out.

where have i been??

around.

i just haven't had anything to say, honestly.

but hi, i'm here, i'm alive.

today was my first day of "college", and it was pretty good.

only have 2 classes on monday.

my first professor is really cool, she's super funny.

my second one is alright...it's not so much him but the stupid class...GEOLOGY!

that class (which is an almost 3 hr lab and then a separate 2hr lecture) will be the death of me.

i don't have classes on tuesday, wednesday i have psychology again & math, thursday humanities & the dang geology lecture, friday only psychology (again), & i got stuck with my english class on saturday...how lame huh?!

but i'm ok with all of it.

took me a while but i'm at peace.

i'm just really looking forward to to meeting new people and such (:

also i've been like REALLY sick.

we don't have health insurance so we're having to save up so i can have 5 million tests ran to see what is wrong with my intestines/bowels/stomach.

all i know is that i get almost violently ill within minutes after eating /:

it's been an awful couple of weeks.

but i'm getting better...hopefully.

p.s. as a random little fact to leave you with, over the last month i've realized that i've ALWAYS liked my best friend...and idk how to see what he feels...so i'm stuck. UGHHH!

i'm all kinds of miserable

my financial aid would've been approved,

except for the small fact that they were OUT OF FUNDING.

which only proves tha t if you work hard,

and do all the right things you only get screwed over in the end.

i just want to sit here and cry over the fact that i'm having to give up all my dreams.

and once i finally take a second to not me sad, i can only feel resentment towards my parents.

i don't want to feel that towards them, but this is their fault.

we moved here 11 years ago, knowing we weren't going back,

so how can you not put a single dollar aside for my future?

i did my part, got all the good grades, all the right scores, got all the help i needed to get my things done, only to have it thrown in my face in the end that i can't have any of it.

had i known this, i could've been an idiot like all the other kids going to CCCC and saved my time by not bothering with school, act, or applications.

i just hate my life.

all my plans are going to poop

i'm not going to have my financial aid stuff come through in time
even if it does, it'll be late & i won't be able to go to mandatory orientation
i won't be able to declare my major in time
i won't be able to sign up for my classes in time

and most important,
i won't be able to rush a sorority...

this sucks.

wow

life is just being really awful right now.

everything is going wrong.

EVERYTHING.

just broke up with my bf,

yet we still talk like we're friends.

which means i'm stuck listening to him blab about this new girl.

i worked hard to get into my top college,

but because they messed up and because my parents never saved money,

i probably won't be going.

and worst of all,

i cried in front of my mom today.

which made her cry.

which only made me cry more.

everything is just awful right now.

i just wanna curl up into a ball and die.

here's something you didn't know

(sorry about the pictures being cut off, if you save them to the desktop you can read the text just fine)

from the beginning, my relationship with dave has been a different kind of relationship.

because of the distance we always said that yes, we were together but we wouldn't want the other to sit by and let something pass them by.

i've always understood that.

the distance is tough, and if someone here came up, i'd take the opportunity.

but part of that agreement would be that we would always be open about it,

and we would talk it out and make sure everything was understood.

but apparently i was the only one who help up my end.

about a month ago he started acting different.

turns out he'd met someone at a friend's get together.

and after a week or two he finally talked to me and mentioned how he had feeling for her but because she came with too many complications and he didn't want to pursue her.

but ever since then, he's been very distant from me.

he's been hanging out with her...all the time.

so today was my breaking point.

i would tell you the story, but here, you can read it for yourself:

i mean i don't even know what to do.

i know i'm done & i've been done.

but the pain isn't any less.

luckily my best friend, matt, called me like right after.

he's great and understanding.

i hate relationships.

here's something i've realized...

over the last 4 years, i've done a lot of changing.

i've grown up a lot, not just physically but mostly mentally.

i've learned a lot of things;

one of the things i did learn is that my wants in life have changed.

when i was a freshman, i really wanted a boyfriend to just have one.

now i really want someone to truly LOVE me.

(yes friends, there is a difference)

i wanted to go to rock and metal concerts.

now i want to go to raves.

i just couldn't wait to be a senior.

now i can't wait to have a job & family.

i used to want to move out to get away from my parents.

and although i still do, i also just want to have my own HOME.

and most importantly,

i used to have issues with my body and appearance.

now i know i am a beautiful person and do like myself.

it's gonna sound a little silly, so bare with me, it kinda clicked tonight.

i went to see Cirque du Soleil and one of the acts was really intense.

not just because what the performers were doing was super difficult and crazy,

but because it was a couple and they were telling a love story.

and while i normally think love stories are cheesy and i don't care for them,

the chemistry that was spilling from them was intense.

and it really made me sit there and think,

sure i kinda sorta have Dave, but he's far away.

i want someone here, now, giving me a tight hug every time they see me.

someone to kiss me goodbye.

someone to cuddle with and talk about my day.

now i do understand this sounds super cliche and such,

but we want what we don't have.

and i'm one person who has yet to fall in love.

i want to be head over heels in love with someone who feels the same way.

i wanna know what it's like to be a happy couple in love.

sure i've loved people, i love Dave right now...sorta, but i'm not IN love with him.

sad huh?

i know that my real life is just about to start, but still.

i'm tired of being alone...really tired.

i just don't get it

i woke up this morning, went downstairs and greeted my mom like normal. but like after lunch she went upstairs for quite a while, while i hung out in the office most of the day. she came downstairs and i like went to hug her and play around like we usually do and she pulled back and was being bitchy. then later i went to her room and asked if on her way home tomorrow she would pick me up some chapstick and she rolls her eyes and like mocks me to her friend...are you kidding me lady?

she's been acting like such an annoying, rude...person all day and all i can think is "keep this shit up and once i leave you'll see how often i won't be visiting you"

i'm so over this family.

break ups suck

i hate this...a lot.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH!

to say that i am stressed, is putting it lightly.

deadlines for applying for housing, scholarships, orientation, & class registration are literally around the corner....

but i can't apply for anything yet because the school is taking FOREVER to send the emails out about who's financial aid was accepted and by how much.

keep in mind, i submitted my stuff BEFORE i even sent in my application for the college and i've checked to make sure they have it...

this is ridiculous!

i need to know whether i'm going to be able to go or be stuck in Frisco for another year.

like i know a lot of people go to community college for a year or two to save money but here are a few things you didn't know:

1. at TAMU-Commerce you declare your major before you sign up for classes, meaning i won't be stuck taking a bunch of random classes that have nothing to do with my major.

2. although it is no longer called Collin County Community College, it's just Collin College because it's turned into a fully credited college, it's still pretty much a community college.

3. everyone, and i do mean EVERYONE, who goes to collin (especially the kiddos from frisco, mckinney, & plano) either scored low on their ACT/SAT, didn't even bother taking it, has no idea what they want to do in life, didn't have money for college (they are a small percent though), or (and this is the biggest percent of all) do not want to leave the comfort of their nice safe homes with mom and dad here...there are people who graduated 3 years ago and are about to start their 4th year simply because they're scared of leaving the nice lifestyle...

so yeah...i'm stressed.

there is just SO much that needs to be done.

HELP!

i'm so confused

we graduated like A MONTH ago, right?

so why on earth are half the girls in my graduating class turning up pregnant all of a sudden?

just because we're not in high school anymore doesn't mean anything.

maybe they had no plans for college...?

i'm not sure.

i can tell you that they aren't ready...not one of them.

and that makes me very sad for those kids.

but it also makes me happy to be a virgin (:

i still have way too much to do before i can have my babies.

i'm so done

living in this house.

my parents are beyond ungrateful.

they'll see just how much I have to do around this house that they are too lazy to.

thanks to them i may not be able to go to the college i worked so hard to get in to.

today

i officially lost my best friend of 6 years...again.

there goes another one.

funny how i did so much for her & in return i get no respect.

you should see what she texted me.

why am i always being traded?

oh right cause i'm boring.

at least i know i still have one good friend...two if i'm lucky.

i'm kinda confused

one minute i'm super extra excited about going to college,

then the next i wanna cry cause i'm scared...

no fun.

a couple of things

1. I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE COLLEGE!

now i know this isn't the world's hardest college to get into,

but i gotta say that i worked my butt off and it paid off

2. yesterday (the 20th) marked 11 years that my family & i landed in this new world called the United States of America

i've officially lived here for over half my life & longer than i did in brazil

3. i've watched Freedom Writers at least 5 times these past 2 days

i love that movie, and had forgotten that

i hope to one day impact a student's life...

and i'm sure i could watch that movie every day for the next year and i'd always cry at the same part haha

&

4. i'm so so so proud of my best friend, Matt

i won't say what he did, but he made a very poor choice last friday night

and he had to pay the consequence for it with his parents

he called me saturday in tears because he was upset for losing his parents' trust

but he came to an epiphany

he realized that his friends were all taking him down a path he didn't want to go down

and what got me is that although he's been my best friend since 7th grade, we don't really show each other any kind of affection outside the occasional hug

well he told me he loved me and that i was his only true friend

and considering what i'm going through right now with a friend situation, that meant more than he could ever imagine

no matter what, i'm proud of him for coming clean to his parents

anyways this has gone on long enough!

CONGRATULATIONS JACKIE!!

& Lincoln

on their newest addition to their lovely family!

little Amelia June is so precious!

<3(:

lots of love & happiness for the whole family!

love you guys

do you remember

the spice girls??

i've been listening to the cd of theirs i have from when i still lived in brazil!

so you know it's REAL old

it's pretty fun though

(:

i think my mom is trying to convert me...

my godmother is crazy christian so it's jesus talk 24/7

& now our family friend's wife (he's 25 & she is 19) is coming to stay a few days with us because he's going out of town and she can't be alone...-_______________-

she is even more religious than my godmom!
DON'T GET ME WRONG, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING RELIGIOUS
but these are the kind that are shoving their beliefs down your throat.

she (the 19 year old) told me that depression is not a real disease, that all it is is you letting satan get to you....like what??

what's worse is that i'm not exagerating, she doesn't talk about anything else! she'll bring anything you say back to jesus and god and blah blah blah!!

UGHHHHH

for jackie

so instead of leaving you a comment telling you everything, i'll do it in a post.

so i am currently still waiting to get my response from Texas A&M University-Commerce.

BUT if i get in (which i kinda think i will) then i will be attending for the next 4 years to major in photography & minor in either journalism or secondary education.

after that i'll get my teaching certificate and i'd like to take over the yearbook, photojournalism & independent journalistic study programs at my high school.

my teacher and i talked about it cause she plans to retire in 4 years

what i think is really funny is that my principal knows me pretty well and at the end of the year when she went to give the end of the year report, she actually told him that!

BUT if i don't get in,

then i'll do an 8 month program to become a medical assistant

and later go to school for ultrasound technician or nursing

2 very different careers

but both things i enjoy (:

so you see

i was going to post pictures from graduation,

BUT since my one and only FABULOUS reader, Jackie, already saw them, i'll save myself some time (:

but here's one anyways

i do, however, have a confession to make.

I, Isabela Macedo de Sousa, sit and plan/daydream about my future wedding/family ALL THE TIME!

like to the littlest details O_o

like i know it's normal and stuff but i think i've taken it to an obsessive level

hahaha

i told my mom that i'm excited to be a teacher and such but that i've discovered that i'm destined to be a mom...cheesy huh?

but it's true though...i just know it.

but let's not tell Dave this

last thing i need is to scare him hahaha

today we had rehearsal

and it was odd

luckily i'm at the end of my row so i sit next to the teacher

& it just so happens to be my 2nd favorite teacher

& my all time favorite teacher is right behind me

:DDD

so you see, i'm getting more excited

little by little...

i'll have pictures by sunday

idk why

but i'm still bummed out about everything.

i need to be excited for friday when all i feel is stress and BLAH.

on another note i'm kinda obsessed with watching makeup and hair tutorials on youtube.

it's pretty fun (:

i should be more excited

i mean afterall, i only have to take 1 exam

friday i graduate

oh & tomorrow my godmother arrives in the morning

but i'm just not looking forward to seeing her

like i know she's family, but i don't want to spend my summer babysitting

plus...let's just say we have conflicting ideals & views

ughhh

i just don't know

Electric Daisy Carnival

North America's largest rave

I'll be there!

i cannot wait!!

we had a little too much fun...

happy mother's day!

mother's day 1996

2011 journalism banquet

this weekend is gonna be nuts!

Friday:

*journalism banquet at night over at Dave & Busters

(yes, this sounds silly for a banquet but they have a private room and at the end we all get to play hehe)

Saturday:

*from 10am-2pm babysitting the cutest little boy ever!

*then going to walmart/target to build my mom's mother's day basket of goodies

(things like chocolate, candles, picture frame, homemade mini muffin brownies and little stuff like that will be included)

Sunday:

*brunch with the family and Bruno & Luana

just an fyi

dave used to smoke a pack a day...he hasn't bought cigarettes since WEDNESDAY!!

so so so proud of him!

p.s. have i mentioned i'm buying myself an adult-kiddie pool?

yup i am.

10ft X 6ft

so i can tan!

howdy

I dyed my hair again, shocker huh? :P

i'm so proud

of Dave!

he's trying to quit smoking

so so proud of my boy (:

just for kicks

i'm not in a perky mood
not to mention that i'm exhausted

so here are a few celebrities i dislike:
katy perry
demi lovato
vanessa hudgens
nicole richie
kim kardashian
kourtney kardashian
kris jenner
kendall and kylie jenner

and for now that's all

i need to be third period so we can pig out already!

i'm sorry

i really haven't had much to say lately.

prom was fun

school is still awful

my parents are annoying me

dave makes me smile like an idiot

my best friend is pretty much no longer

i'm really not looking forward to my godmother coming to visit

i just want to be tan again

i still want to move out ASAP

and yeah...

you're officially caught up.

i would post prom pics, but since only Jackie reads this, i won't because she's already seen them (:

3 things

1. i finally made my blog look like spring

2. i really want my tongue pierced

&

3. Dave & i are official boyfriend and girlfriend...just not in the traditional way (:

i'm so tired

of school & everyone in it.

is it college yet?

you're invited

why is it that

all my guy friends that are prom date worthy are all out of state/city for college??
ughhh

i REALLY need/want a date
like no one wants to be alone
especially not in the pictures
)':

can you find me a date?
hahaha

i no longer have a prom date

yup.

Matt can't make it.
my dress can't be returned.
and i still want to go.

he wasn't going to go to his prom,
but he asked me to his now.
but only if i want to and/or end up not going to mine.

i just don't know what to do.

there's no one i'd really like to go with.
well there is, but we don't know each other too well.

UGHHHHHHH.

oh and the boyfriend is sad because i'm sad and he can't take me.
)':

i love

my boy!

he's so sweet.

yes we fight

and don't always see it eye to eye

but we get through it

he's just great

<3

can you tell i'm smitten?

:P

hi!

hello (:

i'm legal!

i cant believe i'm 18!

i feel so old lol

i had loads of fun,

& got a tattoo in honor of my grandma <3