Wednesday, April 22, 2009

boys are only good for...

breaking hearts!

gosh i'm so sick of them! ok so there's this guy...we'll call him thomas for now...and me & him have been friends for years now. and our friendship was one of those where you instantly click and you feel like you've know that person you're whole life. i told him everything and anything. we had absolutely no secrets. he was like the older brohter i always wish i had. well at one point, early in our friendship, i had a huge crush on him but i learned to put those feelings away because it'd be way too awkward. so a few months go by and we're having some random conversation and i decide to tell him i used to like him. we laugh about it and just go back to being friends. well in the past year we haven't talked much (he lives in brasil so we only talk on msn or phone) because he's been busy at college and me with high school stuff. but about 2 months or so ago we started talking. and he started showing me a side of him i had never seen before. he was being very lovey dovey and cute with me and i was just kinda like "what the heck?" well the boy tells me that he has feelings for me and that after college he wants to move out here...i freak! all the feeling i ever had for him came flooding right back in and only this time it was teice as strong. i wanted him...bad! well here's where things get bad; he has a girlfriend. a girlfriend who happens to be very nice to me because she knows i'm his "best friend". i wanted to scream. as much as she may be nice, i have feelings too. so i pushed her aside and kept talking to him in this new maner. we're pretty much acting like we're dating. he's always leaving me cute little messages & it's "i love you" left and right; i'm in happy heaven. then i don't even know what happened, but something changed. we were rarely talking and he was distant. well i kinda said fuck it (pardon my language) and kept on going with my life. well up until about 30 mins ago we were talking...like we were back a few weeks ago. so now i'm ubberly confused.

now here's why i said they're only good for breaking hearts:
we have a really good friend named kelvin. he met me through thomas and he's a real good buddy of mine. he's going through some tough stuff right and i'm his person that listens when he needs to vent [i'm real good at listening :D]. well he asked me how was my relationship status and how my heart was doing. so i told him i had been talking to thomas again (he knew about the first time) and that i was all confused now.

this is what he tells me:
"thomas is sneaky, he's with this girlfriend but keeps flirting with a bunch of people. remember paty, his ex? he can't talk to her or he'll start telling her he still loves her and that one day he's going to give it another try. and his girlfriend is really good to him,a lways caring for him and everything."
i mentioned how this isn't fair to me and that i didn't know if i should be sad or pissed and he said:
"neither, thomas is confused right now. and right now he's looking for the people he trusts, although he did show this towards you with an exagerated devotion."
i mentione how we've always been good friends and how out of the blue he decided to change that and leave me confused, so he replied:
"isa, he has bad moments just like everyone else, and in bad moments you look for ways to cheer yourself up, even if you don't realize certain things you do hurt others. a long time ago he had commented to me that he really liked you. but him saying this now that he has a girlfriend, it's a bad moment that could end with hurt."

i couldn't help but start crying! how could he do this? lead me on like this. and i'm not the only one. i feel so hurt right now it makes me want to punch a wall!!! and while this whole convo is going, thomas is IMing being all flirty and telling me he wishes i was there to cuddle with him. it made me sick.

so, as of right now, i hate all men/boys with the exception of: my dad, matt, kelvin, & my sao boys.

well it's almost 1 am and i feel like i still have some tears that want to free themselves, so i better get going. have a good day.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

What a clown! You are WAY too good for that.

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