here's something i've realized...

over the last 4 years, i've done a lot of changing.

i've grown up a lot, not just physically but mostly mentally.

i've learned a lot of things;

one of the things i did learn is that my wants in life have changed.

when i was a freshman, i really wanted a boyfriend to just have one.

now i really want someone to truly LOVE me.

(yes friends, there is a difference)

i wanted to go to rock and metal concerts.

now i want to go to raves.

i just couldn't wait to be a senior.

now i can't wait to have a job & family.

i used to want to move out to get away from my parents.

and although i still do, i also just want to have my own HOME.

and most importantly,

i used to have issues with my body and appearance.

now i know i am a beautiful person and do like myself.

it's gonna sound a little silly, so bare with me, it kinda clicked tonight.

i went to see Cirque du Soleil and one of the acts was really intense.

not just because what the performers were doing was super difficult and crazy,

but because it was a couple and they were telling a love story.

and while i normally think love stories are cheesy and i don't care for them,

the chemistry that was spilling from them was intense.

and it really made me sit there and think,

sure i kinda sorta have Dave, but he's far away.

i want someone here, now, giving me a tight hug every time they see me.

someone to kiss me goodbye.

someone to cuddle with and talk about my day.

now i do understand this sounds super cliche and such,

but we want what we don't have.

and i'm one person who has yet to fall in love.

i want to be head over heels in love with someone who feels the same way.

i wanna know what it's like to be a happy couple in love.

sure i've loved people, i love Dave right now...sorta, but i'm not IN love with him.

sad huh?

i know that my real life is just about to start, but still.

i'm tired of being alone...really tired.

i just don't get it

i woke up this morning, went downstairs and greeted my mom like normal. but like after lunch she went upstairs for quite a while, while i hung out in the office most of the day. she came downstairs and i like went to hug her and play around like we usually do and she pulled back and was being bitchy. then later i went to her room and asked if on her way home tomorrow she would pick me up some chapstick and she rolls her eyes and like mocks me to her friend...are you kidding me lady?

she's been acting like such an annoying, rude...person all day and all i can think is "keep this shit up and once i leave you'll see how often i won't be visiting you"

i'm so over this family.

break ups suck

i hate this...a lot.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH!

to say that i am stressed, is putting it lightly.

deadlines for applying for housing, scholarships, orientation, & class registration are literally around the corner....

but i can't apply for anything yet because the school is taking FOREVER to send the emails out about who's financial aid was accepted and by how much.

keep in mind, i submitted my stuff BEFORE i even sent in my application for the college and i've checked to make sure they have it...

this is ridiculous!

i need to know whether i'm going to be able to go or be stuck in Frisco for another year.

like i know a lot of people go to community college for a year or two to save money but here are a few things you didn't know:

1. at TAMU-Commerce you declare your major before you sign up for classes, meaning i won't be stuck taking a bunch of random classes that have nothing to do with my major.

2. although it is no longer called Collin County Community College, it's just Collin College because it's turned into a fully credited college, it's still pretty much a community college.

3. everyone, and i do mean EVERYONE, who goes to collin (especially the kiddos from frisco, mckinney, & plano) either scored low on their ACT/SAT, didn't even bother taking it, has no idea what they want to do in life, didn't have money for college (they are a small percent though), or (and this is the biggest percent of all) do not want to leave the comfort of their nice safe homes with mom and dad here...there are people who graduated 3 years ago and are about to start their 4th year simply because they're scared of leaving the nice lifestyle...

so yeah...i'm stressed.

there is just SO much that needs to be done.

HELP!

i'm so confused

we graduated like A MONTH ago, right?

so why on earth are half the girls in my graduating class turning up pregnant all of a sudden?

just because we're not in high school anymore doesn't mean anything.

maybe they had no plans for college...?

i'm not sure.

i can tell you that they aren't ready...not one of them.

and that makes me very sad for those kids.

but it also makes me happy to be a virgin (:

i still have way too much to do before i can have my babies.

i'm so done

living in this house.

my parents are beyond ungrateful.

they'll see just how much I have to do around this house that they are too lazy to.

thanks to them i may not be able to go to the college i worked so hard to get in to.