honesty

honesty kept my parents' trust
honesty let me stop trembling
honesty let me stop crying
honesty kept my sanity
&
honesty made me free

when something bad happens, just run to your parents and tell the truth. not matter how big your mistake was, they like you telling the truth and will stand by your side.

thank you mom & dad for caring and not judging me.

true blood vs. twilight

there's no doubt that true blood wins...every time.
no i haven't read the true blood books but i love the tv show.

plus, edward cullen's got nothing on my sexy bill compton ;D

here's my new obsession

Paris Bosserman & Scott Gee

paris: you managed to badly damage 2 years worth of friendship in 1 night of drinking.

scott: i know that you knew i was very disgusted with what i saw you do last time we hung out & i appreciate that you made an effort to give me a wordless apology & really make it up to me last night :]

the show last night was ok.
not worth my $25 though.

untitled

July 11, 2009:
For the first time this year I thought about killing myself...I need help but no one listens to me...

i almost told you that i loved you

so i was trying to fall asleep last night but i had my tv on still. well it was on my favorite music channel (fuse) and it was this 2 hour long show called all nighter that just plays random music videos throught the night. well i noticed that a band i like was about to play a video so i sat up and watched it...and was shocked at what i heard. not because they lyrics were nasty but because of how true it is. it's about girls who just give it up and then guys think they're easy so they don't stay with them. the girls at my high school should listen to this song on repeat until they get some sense into them ;P

the name of the song is the name of this blog title & the band is papa roach

You know I love it when your down on yo knees
And I'm a junkie for the way that u please
U shut me up when u swallow me down
My back to the wall your going to tell

I almost told you that I love you
Thank god I didn't because it would've been a lie
I say the damnedest things, when your on top of me
I almost told you that I love you

I hate to say it but it has to be said
You look so fragile as I fuck with your head
I know it shouldn't but it's getting me up
If sex is the drug then what is the cost

I almost told you that I love you
Thank god I didn't because it would've been a lie
I say the damnedest things, when your on top of me
I almost told you that I love you

I'm not the one that u want, I'm not the one that you need
My love is like a fucking diseaseYou can give me your hand, you can make ur demands
I'm the hardest mother fucker to please

Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I almost told you that I love you
Thank god I didn't because it would've been a lie
I say the damnedest things, when your on top of me
I almost told you that I love you

[repeat chorus]

this is for Jackie

ok so i didn't feel like bugging you with an email & i'm sure others out there would like an explanation on this too.

ok so the tittle of my last blog was "hardcore fan vs. groupie...it's a fine line" & jackie asked me what the difference was, well here it is.

a hardcore fan is someone like me; we go to every show that certain band plays & make a great effort to hang out with the band and get to know them as people. we're just trying to get close and/or befriend them.

while a groupie only has one goal; sleep/stalk with the band.

so there you go, that's the difference. but i promise that a hardcore fan can easily become a groupie & it stinks when they do.

hardcore fan vs. groupie...it's a fine line

let me apologize for how nasty i look in these pictures lol
oh & i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed that i didn't get a picture with beau...i actually cried :'[

Van Warped Tour '09

i'll keep this simple & sweet, but still informative

i apologize that this is a tad bit on the lengthy side :]

*forced out of bed at 4:30 am
*took the quickest shower of my life
*had amazing pancakes at an empty ihop
*got to the venue by 7
*cut people in line
*got in early
*ran to the Music Saves Lives booth
*trampled over someone (so sorry dude; survival of the fittest)
*ran damn fast for a very overweight girl in flip-flops & a heavy backpack on
*was #32 in line; got my backstage pass
*drank a liter of water in 2 minutes
*sweated a liter in 2 minutes
*hung out backstage
*went to the saosin signing 30mins early
*noticed cove looked kinda down (again)
*had a mini panic attack before & after the signing
*had a funny/awesome convo with justin
*asked cove if he was ok/mentioned how he seemed down last time
*cheered cove up
*went into the pit for a band i hate because after that band & the next saosin was playing
*cried when that little piece of shit started singing a song that does not belong to him (long story)
*lost count of how many times i almost lost my shoe
*lost count of how many times i almost fell backwards in a packed pit
*was almost to the very front of the pit, but had to leave
*had the worst panic attack of my life
*thought i was dying/was gonna blackout
*heard the little piece of shit say the worst things he could ever say
*wanted to knock his ass out
*recovered & went into a pit of like 20 people
*watched a singer get off the stage & tell me to "get the fuck out of his way" so he could go in the center of the pit & do the whole performance there with the fans
*watched the coolest performance in quite some time
*wanted to chop my feet off from so much soreness
*started hyperventilating when beau & chris started doing sound check (no, not kidding or exaggerating)
*went numb/felt no pain as soon as saosin started playing
*loved how during the full 45min set, 95% of the time cove's eyes were locked on mine because he knew that i knew every single word to every single song
*hated how people think they can crowd surf to saosin
*hated that the only songs people somewhat knew were seven years, voices, & you're not alone
*loved that beau also kept smiling at me because i was in the very front & was shouting the words
*loved elbowing some guy in the face with the help of alley because he was trying to take my spot (that's right, you got beat by a girl younger than you! suck on that!)
*loved how cove winked at me before practically handing me one of the copies of the set list ;]
*liked screaming at people to get out of my way & that was i trying to get out
*collapsed in front of saosin's merch tent
*bought cool merch
*rested
*hung out backstage
*loved how chris now thinks i'm some creepy fan (hahahahaha)
*MET SPENCE FROM UNDEROATH! (i almost passed out at that)
*had cove explain so many things to me
*learned that cove isn't shy, you just have to go up to him & bring up the proper topic and he won't stop
*saw his phone (lame, i know)
*asked him random questions that he gladly answered
*discovered that saosin is good friends with national product & they have "jam sessions" when they're both off tour
*had cove sing stupid things to me
*had cove do my voicemail (if you want to hear it, comment & i might give you my number)
*sadly, said goodbye to cove & left
*had amazing nachos from taco cabana (not a fast food place)
*spent 30 mins scrubbing dirt & sweat off my body
*painfully limped my way upstairs
*passed out in less than 3 mins

i have never been that sweaty, that dirty, that hot, that tired, that sore, that scared, or that happy in my life (well the happy is an exception)

it was a good year.

awkward situations...

...where you can't do or say anything...

...suck...

...big time...