money & sleep

are 2 things lacking in my life...

idk things are rough & stressful around here

/:

i need a vacation

is it december yet?

man until this school semester is over,

i don't think i'll be happy

my school schedule is so all over the place with some really not so great professors

/:

december 11th is the last day of the semester...

hopefully i'll make it

all i have to say is

i can't wait to move out.

where have i been??

around.

i just haven't had anything to say, honestly.

but hi, i'm here, i'm alive.

today was my first day of "college", and it was pretty good.

only have 2 classes on monday.

my first professor is really cool, she's super funny.

my second one is alright...it's not so much him but the stupid class...GEOLOGY!

that class (which is an almost 3 hr lab and then a separate 2hr lecture) will be the death of me.

i don't have classes on tuesday, wednesday i have psychology again & math, thursday humanities & the dang geology lecture, friday only psychology (again), & i got stuck with my english class on saturday...how lame huh?!

but i'm ok with all of it.

took me a while but i'm at peace.

i'm just really looking forward to to meeting new people and such (:

also i've been like REALLY sick.

we don't have health insurance so we're having to save up so i can have 5 million tests ran to see what is wrong with my intestines/bowels/stomach.

all i know is that i get almost violently ill within minutes after eating /:

it's been an awful couple of weeks.

but i'm getting better...hopefully.

p.s. as a random little fact to leave you with, over the last month i've realized that i've ALWAYS liked my best friend...and idk how to see what he feels...so i'm stuck. UGHHH!

i'm all kinds of miserable

my financial aid would've been approved,

except for the small fact that they were OUT OF FUNDING.

which only proves tha t if you work hard,

and do all the right things you only get screwed over in the end.

i just want to sit here and cry over the fact that i'm having to give up all my dreams.

and once i finally take a second to not me sad, i can only feel resentment towards my parents.

i don't want to feel that towards them, but this is their fault.

we moved here 11 years ago, knowing we weren't going back,

so how can you not put a single dollar aside for my future?

i did my part, got all the good grades, all the right scores, got all the help i needed to get my things done, only to have it thrown in my face in the end that i can't have any of it.

had i known this, i could've been an idiot like all the other kids going to CCCC and saved my time by not bothering with school, act, or applications.

i just hate my life.

all my plans are going to poop

i'm not going to have my financial aid stuff come through in time
even if it does, it'll be late & i won't be able to go to mandatory orientation
i won't be able to declare my major in time
i won't be able to sign up for my classes in time

and most important,
i won't be able to rush a sorority...

this sucks.

wow

life is just being really awful right now.

everything is going wrong.

EVERYTHING.

just broke up with my bf,

yet we still talk like we're friends.

which means i'm stuck listening to him blab about this new girl.

i worked hard to get into my top college,

but because they messed up and because my parents never saved money,

i probably won't be going.

and worst of all,

i cried in front of my mom today.

which made her cry.

which only made me cry more.

everything is just awful right now.

i just wanna curl up into a ball and die.